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- August 31, 2016 at 7:54 am #3737104
I just started with a new sponsor and he asked me where I was with my steps. I told him I’m on my 4th step. He replied do you want to start over or do you want to continue? I replied that I would like to go over my first three steps. Just one thing; I’m scared to death of this particular step. There are things I don’t want my friends to know however I do know what ever I say to my sponsor, stays with my sponsor. Still frightened though I do know I have to go through it as a requirement to complete these steps.:SteprobL::a108::usa: Just wanted to put that out there.
Steve S.August 31, 2016 at 6:14 pm #4742543
I understand what your feeling, But let me share my experience. In step four I got to see me, good, bad, and the ugly. Its a simple list of STUFF…Things Ive been running from and things I didnt know (awareness). Its a beautiful and intimate step with myself and God. I needed to forget the 5th step because this is step 4. Its a fearless inventory. Not that fear wasnt present, but that I was practicing COURAGE. You deserve this step. Some of Us are afraid of this step and thats OKAY, so We need to look at Our 3rd step again….FAITH…I cried alot during this step and understand that I needed to do this, so that my brokeness can be healed. Lets take Steps 1-3 again and reafirm our despair, hope, and faith. Your no different than me. Whatever you think you did that is so bad WE ALL did something similiar. Take your time with this step but do it. You can get through this. I did……Clean:ghug3April 29, 2017 at 5:39 pm #4742544
Privacy vs. embarrassment is understandable.
However, many of us will go to extremes to protect our Ego and our Public Image. We don’t want to tell no one nuthin. Or we want to keep and protect our worst secrets, our most destructive and most troubling secrets.
This may sound strange, but these steps are an attack on Ego.
Ego, imo, sees the exposure of our lies (to our self-admittance, to God, and to another person) as a form of Death. But we want to kill our Ego, kill those destructive aspects anyhow. OK, not “kill” but abandon our Self utterly to God, which is almost like Death in a way.
The program could be seen as a kind of “suicide” — and many of us have a dark suicidal streak, we take great and stoopid risks, we court death, some of us secretly love that — but here’s the fun part: YOU get to live, you get to survive this form of suicide, and have a richer life, a spiritual life.
(Disclaimer: No, this comment is not advocating physical suicide, only what you might call “spiritual suicide”.)
So it’s understandable that Ego is gonna say “OH NOOOOO! Don’t do it!”
Do it anyhow. You will survive. Actually, most people with some clean time point out that your Ego will survive too, just not the addictive nature of your Ego or extreme Ego. You will be (in a sense) entering into a conversation with your Ego, and you will be telling your Ego “Chill.”
God — or your Spiritual Nature — will emerge. You will enjoy this. So will your Ego, but your Ego will have to accept being demoted from “playing God” or “being King or Queen” to just being an ordinary human being with nice qualities and flaws. That’s nice. You will no longer have to try to be “perfect” to be OK.
You will have fears, but your fears won’t dominate you. You will have a temper, but your temper and your anger won’t dominate you. So you will actually be MORE free, freedom from the bondage and domination of Self. You will be free from the stupid tyrant of Self.
Does this sound inviting? Exciting? It is.
I just joined this forum, and I’m enjoying sharing what I can of my experience, strength, hope, and what others have passed on to me.
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