any tips on step 4? | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 2

any tips on step 4?

This topic contains 7 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 years, 2 months ago.

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    Tai Chi

    When I read your question, my first reaction was “Make sure you’ve worked the first 3 steps. Really worked them!”

    Here’s my 4th Step story:

    My first time thru, the first time I went to Al Anon, I just attended some meetings, listened to speakers, did some reading, didn’t really have a sponsor. I read the steps and thought about them.

    Step 1? Yep, knew my life was unmanageable. ‘check’
    Step 2? a power greater than myself? I believe in God, so ‘check’
    Step 3? Made a decision to turn my life over to god? I already did that back in church… ‘check’ and I swear I said “Gosh this is pretty easy!”

    So I moved onto Step 4 without really working the first 3 steps and without a sponsor.

    And I crashed HARD into that wall. I tried Blueprint for Progress, I tried making lists. and I just couldn’t get it. The introspection and honesty required were more than I could do by myself. I wasn’t ready to go into those deep dark places without the loving support of someone who could understand and guide me thru the process.

    I left Al Anon and I didn’t return for a few years. I convinced myself that my A was the one with the problem, not me, and I must be getting better because I had gone to meetings. I failed to see the power of the program, much like I failed to comprehend the power of the disease.

    When my life spiraled out of control, when my pain became too great… at least I knew where to go. I crawled back into the loving arms of Al Anon. I got a sponsor, one with many years of recovery who had worked the steps herself, and I committed myself to working the steps honestly and diligently. We worked out of Paths to Recovery because the format worked for us.

    They say you get out of it what you are willing to put into it. I was ready to do what it took to make profound changes in myself and in my life.

    Other people have done it differently and it worked for them. This was how I had to do it.



    Thanx..I have worked 1st three steps witha sponsor. It’s been a year in alanon this month. I feel ready. It gave me anxiety , but the past 4 mo. or so have been feeling ok about it cuz I have already been looking at myself pretty good and now its just actually DOING it!Did ATTitudes in the Blueprint a ways to go…



    Cats share is exact what I went through too. I felt pretty secure in my program, zipped through the first three steps because they seemed so “obvious”, and then would hit a wall at Step 4.

    A wise and kind Al-Anon friend with about 20 years recovery herself, suggested that until I had a very solid first three steps, Step 4 would be a hugs obstacle. She was right.

    You sound pretty secure in your recovery and very well may be ready for this Step. Some find it emotionally draining. I found it a huge relief to get out so much “stuff” that I didn’t even know I had buried until I worked this step.

    Good luck, try what you think will work for you and if it does, great. If not, just try another way. In the end it’s well worth the effort.


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