Could | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 2

Could



This topic contains 6 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 9 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #4625918

    Anonymous

    I’m not sure if I believe “in him”

    I know that if there is a god (and i am taking notice of this possiblity in my life every moment of every day) by definition he COULD relieve my alchoholism.

    But now…i am trying to take actions of trust but in my heart of heart i am full of fear that in the end god will not…..

    I get moments of almost believing….where it seems like a real possiblity…then the fear rolls in again.

    But I am technically not on step 2….but I also cant deny the fact that in my heart….it’s in my face every moment …

    So i move from Awe to Fear many times a day….i DO trust the process….and for today that is enough….though barely at times 🙂



    #4625921

    Anonymous

    @ananda 2529705 wrote:

    i am trying to take actions of trust but in my heart of heart i am full of fear that in the end god will not…..

    And if God will not… then what? Nothing? The Bottle?

    Hey, I’m not yet at the point where I feel like I can take someone through step two, so I’ll cede the floor to those with more experience….

    I just know that there is a God who loves me unconditionally and will give me what I need… not always what I want… not always on my time… So I just trust Him… Blind trust? I don’t know, I just figure that I will… trust Him.

    I’m sure you’ve heard the one…. “Faith and Fear cannot exist together.”

    Mark



    #4625923

    Anonymous

    @Mark75 2529739 wrote:

    And if God will not… then what? Nothing? The Bottle?

    That’s the approach I used. In looking back, I’m sure that I worked Step 2 from that negative stance. Either god will or god won’t restore me to sanity. Either he (it) will or he (it) won’t make this happen. For me it was more like, either I’m going to recover or I’m not. There was a certain freedom in that. Nothing to lose.

    And since I was thoroughly convinced of Step 1, that the life I was living was hopeless and futile, what was the alternative? The alternative to not recovering was unacceptable. I couldn’t exist that way. So whenever I balked, I looked at the lack of options I had. Return to the bottle, or this other thing. This scary God thing.

    Some of the people I trust most in AA believe that it all boils down to a Step 2 program. I take guys through it with the minumum requirements of willingness to believe (pg 47) and an open mind to have a new experience with this power. Anything they bring with them usually gets in the way of that experience.

    It’s kind of like, put your God aside for a little bit and do the things necessary to have some power remove from you the things which block you from the sunlight of the spirit. Otherwise, everyone comes in with some concept of this higher power. That concept has been formed by years of upbringing and belief, and it already been determind what God can or can’t do.

    To me, that’s terribly limiting and gets in the way of a new experience with that vital power.



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