Discussion and Sharing Welcomed! | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 9

Discussion and Sharing Welcomed!

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    on finical amends,I prayed,talked with my sponsor,got my checkbook and went to pay off old bills.Almost all of those amends was small bills.On one occasion,I owed around 30,000.00 to one place.
    I had no money to speak of.I talked with the man,and he wanted his money.He said he wanted to think on it,and he called me later and I went to see him the next week…
    he said he would settle for 7000.00
    fine I said,let me see if I can come up with the money-I`m broke!
    I left and went home
    several days passed and I came home from work one day and on my kitchen table was a check for 7,000 bucks made out for me
    I wrote him a check for the 7,000.00 dollars and gave it to him

    where did the money come from?It came from my father in law who ,unknown to me had borrowed it and he left me the bank payment book
    I did not ask him for it,but he knew i was sober and doing the best I could
    He took it upon himself to help out.
    it took 3 yrs to pay back the bank note,and many times during the 3 years,I was flat broke,not knowing where any money would come from except the little paycheck I was making.Then I started seeing unexpected things happening.Every now and then a small check would come in the mail from somewhere unexpected.It was just enough to get us by when it arrived.Just enough,no more,no less.
    Now,I can see God`s hand in it all,and He helped us thru it somehow……
    all I had to do was what was set before me and let God in on it,and it all started out with the prayer,help me to become willing to make these amends,or help me to be willing to go see_______

    so many times we fear of going to see people because of how we had done them and because we may be broke.We really cannot see a solution before us.
    We let our human fears and reasonings stand in the way of God`s miracle,the one who has all power.If the one who has all power is for us,what can happen to us?

    Any bad things that happened on steps 8-9 happened because of me and my fears,etc,not others.They was glad I was sober and for the 1st time in my life,trying to do the next right thing.

    the 9th step is really for others and God

    the 8th step is for me when it comes from the heart because I want to repair the damage I caused to them (if for no other reason.)Have you Ever felt their hurt caused by you?I swear I believe I have on occasion.
    but I really benefited from it all greatly in the end
    for in making those amends,it removed the last blocks between me ,God,and others



    here is a template for a amends letter sent to me by a friend who had worked on it for his x wife`s family
    it is only posted as a tool to get the mind going in the right direction


    Told by his ex-wife that he couldn’t see her family directly, he WAS allowed to send her a letter. After three edits from his sponsor, here is how it ended up:

    Dear S.______,
    I’m writing to do what I can to set right the harms that I did during the years that I was in a relationship with your mom. I’ve chosen to type rather than phone for two reasons: First, my handwriting is pretty awful, and second, because I want you to have something tangible that you can look at later when life may be treating you rough. To tell you the truth, I’m tempted to let things just stay the way they are because your mom tells me that you have some good memories of the time we spent together. Part of me says why mess with that? The best answer I have is that I loved you and I’m certain deep in my heart whether you know it yet or not I did you harm. I’m sure that you were aware that during the years we were together I was an active alcoholic. LET ME BE VERY CLEAR THAT THIS IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER RELIEVES ME OF RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS. I used alcohol and drugs because they were the only things I knew that could give me the relief from the constant fear I felt. I was drawn to you and your family because I desperately wanted to love and to be loved, but I was also scared to death of the prospect of being responsible, especially to others. Emotionally I felt like I had one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. I’m sure that it was hard for you to figure out what was real – is the real M____ the one that wants to loves me or the one that’s pushing me away? You weren’t crazy, I was. You were a wonderful, lovable child and you had every right to expect consistent love, emotional support, and parenting from me. What you got instead was fear, chaos, confusion, and abandonment. I want you to know that I didn’t fail to give you those things because you were unlovable or undeserving but because I was a sick and frightened man incapable of giving. If you feel emotionally ripped off it’s because you were. If you feel abandoned you’re not crazy, you were. I know at some deep emotional level it’s hard not to believe that if you were really worthy and valuable that these things wouldn’t have happened to you. Please believe me, this just isn’t so. You are worthy and deserving of love then and now, it was I that failed you. S.______, I hope that you’ll accept my heartfelt regret for these and the unlisted harms that I did to you. Should you ever want to talk about any of this please give me a call. If I can ever be of any service to you as a friend I’d be honored.



    i actually went and made 2 amends today to previous employers.i thought i was only going to do one but would you know,a ride came my way to get to the other destination (hhhmmmm).on the 1st i went in and said that i was a recovering alcoholic and that i was trying to make restitution to people i done harm to.i said i was sorry for letting them down,i was very sick at the time,i said this was not an excuse just an explanation and that all i was there to do was apologise and take responsibility for my actions.it got quite tearful as the lady has a little insight into the spiritual life.she said she was glad i had come to see them and she was glad i was getting well.she apoligised for things maybe being not being organised when i was there (it was a new business) i said it didnt matter about that at all and that had no bearing on my actions or why i was there.the 2nd (which i didnt think i was going to,but hey,wouldnt yah know!) the lady was shocked but pleased to see me,she said she often wondered how i was.i told her why i was there (same as before) and she said she knew i was an alcoholic but had kind of hoped that things would work themselves out (she was just going to sack me when the lady i made my 1st amends today had offered me a job),,so i just jumped before i was pushed there.she gave me a hug,said i looked well and hoped it stuck.she said she was glad i had gone to see her.i said thank you for listening to me.then ive just got home,im drained but in a good way.powerful stuff this.

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