This topic contains 38 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 10 years, 2 months ago.
- December 2, 2012 at 2:27 am #3981317
hi there! i am still on this step. mike, i don’t know if this helps but i’m beginning to see that some of my “insanity” doesn’t even need to involve alcohol. at least, not yet. but some of my behaviors seem to be led by my “disease” which leads me to escape or procrastinate or whatever-coping-mechanism
my reality seems to be that i know and believe in a higher power. BUT, i still have trouble asking for help and still have trouble relinquishing control. i really need to get the ME out of most of what i do–and allow hp’s will not mine be done.
you know, it’s like i knew i was insane when i was drinking. i knew i was out of control. and much of what i perceived as my insanity hten has now seemingly gotten under control. now it’s things that i considered to be reality/normal to me that i’m beginning to recognize as insanity. that’s what’s so crazy!
i don’t know if i’m making sense. i thought i was past this step and on to the 4th but i can see now–and my sponsor awakened me to ;-)–the fact that there is still insanity in my life that needs to be addressed. i am not running to alcohol but i am still running to work, or tasks, or projects, etc. to keep me away from myself.
dear God, help me.
thanks for listening!December 2, 2012 at 2:32 am #3981315
“I still have trouble asking for help and still have trouble relinquishing control”.
Hit me. I thought of step 1. I was never IN control, Alcohol was. I am hopeful this line of thinking will help you.December 2, 2012 at 2:49 am #3981318
yep. that’s it. it’s the control thing. my deal is that the alcohol is not actively in control, but what i think is alcoholic thinking is still lingering and trying to take control.
i guess that no matter if i have alcohol in me or not, i still have this disease and its patterns of behavior that get me into trouble. i don’t at all feel the need to drink and never ever want to slip now that i’ve finally reached out to real people in addition to my hp (who i call God). but my mind still gets me into trouble.
…it’s painful. well, let’s not think about that now… i used to take a drink when life was painful. now, i bury myself in something busy–whether its my work or a project or an event–but the skinny is that i retreat rather than work my way through the pain. i guess this is really more part of step 3. but this is what i’m trying to work, get nailed down, and practice.
thanks for the ear and the advice!
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