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- December 3, 2012 at 7:15 am #3981500
yep – you’re right, Carol – this ‘epiphany’ I was talking about – you could take ALL my relationships … and just put a blank where the man’s name should go.
because the same single truth lies at the core of them all.
doing the same thing over and over … expecting different results.December 7, 2012 at 5:00 am #3981492
Barb, I can so relate to that! As I did my fourth step and especially when I actually started talking about it during the fifth I found I had patterns of behaviors and thoughts that came out repeatedly. This was one of the many blessings of the 4th and 5th step for me. Now that I am aware of my tendencies I can quite often catch myself when I start acting that way today and see it for what it is and then do something better and different rather than relying on the old ways which yielded the old results. Bitterness, unhappiness, depression, playing the “victim” or “martyr” are things that could lead me back to the bottle so I have to be extra vigilant these days.
I could also relate to what Carol said. For me I entitled my 4th step “the step that is never going to end”. My sponsor had me do a variety of things including answering the questions in the 4th step from the 12 n 12, write on the 7 deadly sins and how they had affected my life. As I finished with this my sponsor went back out and will be dead from this disease a year. I ended up with a lady I was terrified of from horror stories my first sponsor would tell me about when this lady sponsored her. I didn’t pick her, God did, and she has been the best for me. Anyway, I showed her what all I had written and she told I wasn’t done. She pulled out worksheets which I was to complete a Fears, Resentments and Sex inventory. I had done so much self-examination during my other assignments that I got the worksheets knocked out quickly and they are what I used for the 5th step. The worksheets were very helpful to me to see the trends in my actions and what they affected. I have since shared the worksheets with others here via e-mail and gotten good feeback from those who have used them.
KellyeDecember 7, 2012 at 10:57 am #3981501
my thing was to remember that this isn’t the ‘great american novel’ and just get the facts out.
the other thing –
I’m noticing, as I get close to the ‘meat’ of something – I only write for about an hour or even twenty minutes … then I gotta go lay down!
it was great to find out that many others experience the same kind of self – removal from certain aspects of memory.
gotta ‘get out’ some way, I reckon.
There’s a couple of people who have taken over four years to do theirs.
My sponsor told me ‘don’t EVEN think you’re gonna get away with that!’
she’s such a warrior.
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