Do I believe?? | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 3

Do I believe??



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  • #4639378

    telecaster76
    Member

    I identify myself as a recovered alcoholic. Not cured, but recovered, because that conversation (“can I or can’t I”) no longer occurs in my head. I don’t need to choose any more than I need to choose to not drink bleach. It is a non-issue. And, re: the BB of AA, I attribute this to my vigilance in maintaining my spiritual fitness….my only defense against a drink. The obsession left me due to the spiritual awakening (or psychic shift), I experienced as a result of doing the steps. You’ve barely begun. Be patient with yourself.

    Alcohol, besides being toxic (2nd cousin to formaldehyde) is a mood altering substance upon which I became dependent. My recovery has been all about ceasing dependency on outside substances, people and behaviors to regulate my feelings. For me, it’s about “a design for living” that simply doesn’t include turning my power over to booze…even for a moment.

    I wonder…..if you were allergic to strawberries, would you be contemplating the day in the future when you might be able to eat them like normal people?

    In Step two I gathered evidence, by observing others, that I could be restored to sanity. This required me to admit I was insane. Why in the world would I trust my own thinking until I was much farther along in recovery? As a medical professional….think about those neural pathways that need to be redirected, and how long that healing might take.

    My insanity forever tried (and still does) to convince me that my thinking is completely sane. And sometimes it is. The trick is that I need the help of others to distinguish those two states of mind. I’m usually the last to know when my thinking has gone over the cliff again.

    blessings
    zbear



    #4639373

    Anonymous

    @LKKPA 2550972 wrote:

    I have been journaling and am finishing Step 2 which I will go over with my sponsor tomorrow. Two issues came up that I am having difficulty wrapping my mind around…

    1) Do I believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Absolutely!! Do I believe that I truly want to never drink again…not so sure. You see, my problem here is that my bottom wasn’t a very low bottom (thank God as I know it could have been much worse and very likely will be if I ever resume drinking) and I did not lose as much as others although I did temporarily lose my medical license. And this leads into my 2nd issue..

    This talk of “bottoms can get confusing. Your bottom is where you decide it is. If you are waiting for a bottom to come up and give you the motivation to quit for good and all that bottom most likely will be the bottom of a grave.

    @LKKPA 2550972 wrote:

    2) I continue to have the thought (and I know this is insane and delusional) that once I am abstinent for a long period of time, do the recovery work and resume working as a medical professional, that I will be able to one day drink like a “normal” person again. This thought above all else is very concerning to me and I know is something that I need to get rid of.

    This is really a first step issue. The jails and graveyards are full of guys that hit the AA trifecta, they got the car, job and girl back and they hit the door. Quit looking at the drama and look at the disease. This disease is a loss of choice and control in respect to alcohol. Can you quit for good and all on your own and when you do drink can you control it every time. If the answer is no then you have lost choice and control and you have this disease.



    #4639379

    Anonymous

    @LKKPA 2550972 wrote:

    I have been journaling and am finishing Step 2 which I will go over with my sponsor tomorrow. Two issues came up that I am having difficulty wrapping my mind around…

    1) Do I believe that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity? Absolutely!! Do I believe that I truly want to never drink again…not so sure.

    This thought above all else is very concerning to me and I know is something that I need to get rid of.

    Anyone have experience with similar feelings/thoughts? Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated!! :help

    Came to believe that a Power greater than “OURSELVES” could restore us to sanity.

    Ourselves is a big word Abandon is even bigger and scarier – A.A. doesn’t ask us nor suggests this they BEG US to be fearless from the very start.

    Doing it out of fear? out of conformity? or Trusting in God then cleaning house and giving freely of what you find

    There are many substitutions for faith their is no substitution for God not even in a?.

    When A.A. says don’t do it alone that will depend on not only coming to believe but what we rely on – Step Two you will never be alone again – Seen to many alone in this crowd.

    Take a closer look: don’t rush and upon careful reading look within

    The steps are good yet the Traditions are Great.

    Quotes..BB..1st. Edition



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