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- June 10, 2015 at 2:26 am #4482613
@AfricanDaisy 2254837 wrote:
There was a time when I KNEW what and who my higher power was. Not so now. I have been on a long journey of trying to figure out just what higher power is to me and in my life.
I don’t know whether you’re attending NA meetings, have a sponsor or doing step work or not. But it has always helped me to refer to our literature.
“The process of coming to believe is similar for most addicts. Most of us lacked a working relationship with a Higher Power. We begin to develop this relationship by simply admitting to the possibility of a Power greater than ourselves. Most of us have no trouble admitting that addiction had become a destructive force in our lives…Our understanding of a Higher Power is up to us. No one is going to decide for us. We can call it the group, the program, or we can call it God. The only suggested guidelines are that this Power be loving, caring and greater than ourselves.” – Basic Text, page 23-24
An 12 Step National Meetings member named Joe H. recently shared this:
Step two is explained to me this way.
Anything can be a power greater than me. Anything that can show me something about myself that I can not see is for that moment a power greater than mysellf. By sorrounding myself with people that know me and my disease. People who love and care for my life of recovery I stand a strong chance of being around those momentary powers greater than myself.
IMO, the struggle of coming to believe is only as hard as we make it. The evidence of a Power greater than myself is everywhere and overwhelming. It really doesn’t matter what I call it or if I call it anything.
“We can use this Power long before we understand it.” – Basic Text, page 24June 10, 2015 at 2:46 am #4482610
I spent the first thirty-four years of my life feeling mostly abandoned by my Higher Power. I say mostly, because there were some rapturous moments in there, but they never lasted.
One day I realized that many of the perceived “bad” things that had happened to me–whether I was to blame or was blameless–were really gifts. I mentioned something in a lead about being harmed through no fault of my own and that I refused to allow my abuser to continue having power in my life. I forgave the harm to set myself free. I was approached by a woman after the meeting, and she thanked me for sharing my experience. She said it really helped her and some of the struggles she was going through.
After that, I realized–even though I had forgiven the harm, I still saw it as “bad” — but it had been useful to this woman, therefore, whether I labeled it “good” or “bad,” it served a purpose. So because she’d needed to hear what I had to say, it was a gift that I had to share with her. Now, I don’t think God made me to suffer that harm to help this woman, but I don’t think at any time that God abandoned me. If that were the case, I think I’d still be out there trying to kill pain, if I had breath in my body to do it.
AV, I don’t know what happened to you nine years sober that’s led you to feel this way, and I do hope you find what you need to get past it. If you’d like to talk privately, I’d welcome you to pm me.
Peace & Love,
SugahAugust 16, 2015 at 3:42 am #4482619
If your higher Power is God then most likely it was you who abandoned Him. He never abandons us. Any “higher Power” that would abandon you is no Higher Power. Abandon yourself to God without aprehension, reservation, or presupposition and watch your sober life soar like an eagle. God is real. God is good. And the only One we can truly trust our lives with, since He is the source of it.
I know how you feel though. Some 4th step work would probably bring some good things to light for you.
Don’t mean to sound “preachy”, just sharing from my own experience, as I have had to work through abandonment issues myself.
Stay well. Gerry
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