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    My first recognition that my drinking was out of control was when I started buying pints of JD instead of a litre. All this meant was more trips to the liquor store. I divorced three years ago and moved out of state. Away from ex and children. I am highly functional but even that is slipping. My guilt of leaving my kids is buried somewhere in the darkness of my soul.

    I do make more money here and have a nice house, from the outside, but you come inside and it I live the bachelor caveman. I don’t open my mail, return phone calls or answer email. I do great in my job but at the end of the day when I get in my car to head home.. That overwhelming desire to drink comes back.

    My heart is very very bad. I only have 19% working and I should have 60%. I work in medicine and know that nothing kills heart cells quicker than Alcohol. I really think I am trying to keep myself “Comfortably numb” until my heart gives out and I am trying to slowly kill myself with drink as this is what will happen if i continue. I have set a date of this Friday to go to my first meeting. I have looked on the map wlll drive by before and I know I just need to go on auto pilot and walk through the door, I truly believe you will take care of me once I am there. I want to do the work, I am afraid of never drinking again.

    My first step of me seeing my life is unmanageable is to see what I have just written.




    Welcome to 12 Step National Meetings. Glad you are here.

    You might get more responses to your post if you post it under the 12 step support main forum rather than under the steps since more people will see it.

    Yes, to your question of are you starting to understand that your life is unmanageable. It is part of the first step. The other part is being powerless over alcohol. Sounds to me like you are making a good start and have a solid plan to find sobriety. Best of luck to you.

    The program of AA not only changed my life but gave me a new one. It does work for many people. This week I will have been sober for 10 years through the program. If I can find sobriety anyone can. Take care.



    Off to a good start MM.

    I’d probably recommend that meeting tonight…….or tomorrow though. Me….in that situation….4 or 5 days is about enough time for me to figure a way OUT of going to that meeting and believing it’s for the better.

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