Just finished 4th step | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups

Just finished 4th step

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    ….with my sponsor but she has added another exercise about which I am confused. She wants me to list the qualities of my sex ideal. I am not sure how to start and was wondering if (don’t laugh) perhaps there is a worksheet for this? Also, when the Book mentions sex relations, does that mean “love relations” or “intimacy”?

    I have been in one monogamous relationship for almost 20 years and I guess I am just confused about this task and also probably making it more complicated than it actually is. I feel like I am having a mental block on this one for reasons only my HP knows.

    Any insights would be greatly appreciated.




    There is, in fact a worksheet for that… it is done along the lines of the standard column approach to the 4th step. Done per the instructions, the mental blocks will fall away…

    I am in a long term relationship as well… and there were still a few things to be brought to the light.


    AA BB 1st wrote:
    In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test -was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers we re God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.

    Bella, the idea for forming a sex ideal comes from the BB. ‘In this way’ refers to the preceding paragraph where we look at each relationship and answer the 9 questions given. The sex inventory, including an ideal, and continuing to look at these things, has had a profound impact on my relationships with everyone.

    Here’s an example of a sex ideal:
    MY SEX IDEAL –From an old inventory
    1. A true partner – someone to share equally in the responsibilities of life (neither partner feels or is taken advantage of…).
    2. An intimate relationship – someone who can see into me, see my dark side and light side. Someone with whom I can take emotional risks and let them in behind the wall I put up and not abandon me (totally accepting of me-good and bad without expectation of change; if change comes it comes from God….
    3. A monogamous relationship – sexually and spiritually where I show reverence and respect of our love and commitment (i.e. I demonstrate BTK is #1 all the time in my life (honor and cherishment).
    4. Someone with whom I am free to be truthful – not afraid to be honest – both omission and commission.
    5. A lover – open, honest, sex – fantasy realization through caring exploration of our sexual natures. The true goal is pleasure for each other through sexual means to enhance intimacy where two really do become one.
    6. Fair play – total commitment to harmony through fair , expedient compromise using the rules to keep our disagreement within bounds and open commitment to a quick fair resolution to restore harmony to our relationship.
    7. Safe, loving, nurturing home for parenting – emotionally stable filled with love and self-sacrifice for the good of the family union.
    8. A balanced relationship: work & play balanced, spending & saving balanced, home & travel balanced. Money is not My God – love and family are paramount.
    9. A relationship which nurtures our “couplehood” not just “parenthood” so when the nest is empty our relationship just moves to the next chapter, not starts again…someone to grow old with.
    10. Someone to grow with mentally, spiritually and sexually. A nonjudgmental support for the betterment of the individuals which betters the couplehood.
    11. Someone who will share in our combined vision of our future, our lives to come – with whom I can strive to reach a mutual goal of serene old age where we look back on happiness in the journey – not a finishing line.
    12. My #1 fan, supporter, confidant, best friend, lover, spouse, wife, mother, companion and hero – where we revere each other through sacrifice and love to become one and that the one we become can give back and help others including our
    kids, program, society and church (where our lives can be an example of the program which helps others find happiness, fidelity and love.

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