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June 15, 2017 at 6:04 pm #3753677
Well, I was supposed to hear back from a job today and didn’t–not normally the end of the world. However, I’m feeling slight pressure–either get this job, or start looking at homeless shelters in the state. I learned in rehab that the homeless shelters are not conducive to getting on your feet, they want you back in at three to compete for beds and I can’t imagine getting home from work (if I ever get a job) and wonder if there is a bed or if I have to sleep in the street or spend all my money on a hotel.
I think it was rehab that caused this problem I’m having anyways. It’s not the job itself. It’s me remembering all the classes where I was told that the reason I couldn’t keep a job (not previously a problem of mine) was because I was no good and drinking. Well, I have not been drinking and they (the people in rehab) were still hollering about how I’m no good, I’ll never be anything without them and I should have waited around for their special deal on project apartments–it’s almost a guarantee, they said. And now that’s back to ringing in my ears. Not the wonders of a future living in projects, but the worthlessness.
And these last 3 days have been easily the worst temptation-wise of my sobriety. Most days of the last 10 months I have not really thought about drinking, especially after 6 months or so. However, now the background check that was supposed to be done by now is not done, and an apartment that seemed God-sent (how else can someone get an apartment with no job right) is on the line and the craziness in my head is ramped up.
I have been going to extra meetings in the daytime, just to have something to do that doesn’t leave me in the streets staring at all those neon signs. The AA numbers I got while I was in rehab all work, but not during the day–people are working.
I swear, I feel like it’s all good for those who deserve it, and for no-count people like me I should just be happy to be sober and it doesn’t matter what happens in my life. Food and a reliable place to sleep would be nice, but I’m told this is having expectations.
I suppose I’m just venting. I know nothing can be done about anything, and I can’t help my background, can no longer help what all I done, and now it’s time to pay the price for it all. Welcome to life, huh.
Anyways, take care y’all and I hope y’all are having a better day than me!
June 15, 2017 at 8:31 pm #4965777
You’re not no-count people TB 🙂
Who’s putting pressure on you? You current roomies, or yourself?
I know it’s hard to stay positive when the disappointments keep coming…but the disappointments aren’t you.
And it’s not just you either. It’s hard for nearly everyone to get a job these days….heck it’s hard for a lot of us to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads.
and I’m not sure the hard sell from the rehab guys is all that helpful.
If I ran a rehab the aim would be to get you to see you are something, and to help to get you back out and prepared for the real world 🙂
Don’t doubt yourself. You’ve come an incredibly long way, and held your courage and sense of humour through it all.
Keep trying, don’t give up, and you will prevail.
Don’t drop your bundle now :hug:
June 15, 2017 at 8:45 pm #4965788
just a suggestion….all those phone numbers you have…when you call them in the evening…ask if they know of any job openings.
you can vent all you want here….please remember how well you are doing and that you have pulled yourself so far up..YOU did this. I am hoping you find something very soon.
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