Making amends to those unaware | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups

Making amends to those unaware

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    Hi everyone — new to the forums, coming up on a year back in AA, with continuous sobriety since March 5th.

    I am presently on Step Nine. I’ve made a few of my amends, but have been dragging my feet on some tougher ones — i.e., those who generally don’t KNOW I’ve harmed them. In short, I’ve stolen many meds during my drinking days, swiped them from people caught unawares. It’s a behavior that shocks me now. I know this is the fundamental point of Step Nine — continuing to clear away wreckage. But I’ve been having trouble with how to approach such people. A few are family, but one in specific is not — and I know she has no idea what happened.

    I’m guessing I’ll get a lot of “just do it,” as my sponsor says. I’m praying for willingness. I suppose I’m looking for your experience, strength, and hope in this area.





    I replied to your thread in Newcomers, Jon, but there are a few things I didn’t say there that I’ll say here.

    It’s hard to make amends, especially when you’re not sure how someone is going to respond. It’s especially hard when they don’t respond well! But once you make it, once you make it right, to the best of your ability, you’re free. You’re not carrying around a debt. You don’t have it on your conscience. You can forgive yourself. The slate is clean.

    I say “you” up there, when really, I’m talking about how it was for me. I hope it’s that way for you. I learned I could breathe a lot more deeply once I was knee-deep in the amends process. And if you haven’t noticed, all those promises we read in meetings come right after the 9th step in the book. Guarantee you that before you’re halfway through, you’ll realize a bunch of them in your life.

    Be well, my friend. Shoot me a pm & let me know what meetings you go to. I’ve got a good ol’ AA hug I’ll save for you.

    Peace & Love,



    I became aware awhile ago that the promises read in meetings were in Step Nine. I’d like to get them. Thus I’m aware what I must do. I’m working toward it — slowly shedding my old skin, I suppose. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. Much has changed quickly for me, now comes the test: how badly do I want this?

    Pretty badly, I think. I’d like to sponsor people and be of help. So I know what I need to do, but need the courage to do it.

    My HP’s carried me this far. I need to go back to Step Three and relieve HP will continue to carry me.

    But we drunks are tough nuts 🙂 Nuts indeed!

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