My step one | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups

My step one

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    Hi everyone- today is my 4th day of AA. I have a temporary sponsor who seems really nice but is quick to get off the phone and basically just wants me to check in with her each day and tell her which meeting I went to. She told me to just start leaving a message on her voicemail. Not helpful. So, I am looking for a regular sponsor but until I find one, I’m hoping to find some extra support on here while I start these steps. I’ve read the first 8 chapters of the AA book and will read more tonight. So that’s where I am.

    I admit I am powerless over alcohol.
    -every tine I drink I always have the best intentions of stopping after 2-3. That has only been successful I’d say less than 5 times in my entire drinking career
    -When the urge to drink hits me (just about daily) I can’t think about anything else
    -I lied about how much/often I was drinking to basically everyone
    -sometimes I would drink even when it was completely inappropriate and tried to hide it (movies, at work, at a friends house, in my car)

    And that my life had become unmanageable:
    This one is harder to understand. I have a job, a car, an apartment, etc. I pay my bills. I have problems, don’t get me wrong, and I’m sure they are all exacerbated by alcohol, but so many people have it so much worse than me. Should this part be a list of my problems that are more likely to get solved now that I’m not wasting time/energy on drinking and feeling like crap from hangovers?



    Sounds like you have a good grasp of the first half. The second half was tough for me too.

    Another way to look at the “life is unmanageable” part is to not look at the outside world (cars, job, boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, etc – the “material” things) but to look at your internal world.. your head…..and the thoughts therein. When you sit down in the evening… tv….no radio….just sit quietly…… how’s the chatter in your head? Is it relatively quiet and “manageable” or is it more like there’s a street-fight going on? lol Do you tend to bounce back and forth from “im great” to “im screwed?” Do you feel like you always have to be “on your game” or are things relatively “normal?”

    The Big Book calls them “bedevilments” on p52. It lists: having trouble with personal relationships (could be with men or women….or both), couldn’t control our emotional natures (that would be mood swings and the like), we were a prey to misery and depression, couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, unhappy, couldn’t seem to be of any real help to other people.

    Those things would typify the real alcoholic when they’re DRY – when they’re NOT drinking. In a general sense, there’s a feeling of dis-ease (uneasy feelings……not at peace) but, when you know that next drink is right around the corner and you’re gonna take it….those feelings of stress, fear, anger or whatever start to dissipate. Then…once you take your first couple swallows……it’s as if ALL is right with the world……or at least it’s all right for now.




    I saw your other thread where you mentioned the sponsor not having much focus on taking you through the Steps. Really, that’s the sponsor’s main function, so if it’s not happening, I would urge you to seek out a sponsor that can help you with this. I always tell guys to look for someone who has had a spiritual awakening as the result of the Steps, and isn’t scared to admit it.

    For me, Step 1 was an experience of hopelessness. Sure, I could intellectually add up my lack of control when drinking, and my inability to stay stopped for very long. I could list the bad consequences and the messed up things in my life because of drinking. Sounds like Step 1, right?

    Well, that wasn’t good enough for me. The experience I needed was not intellectual. What I needed was desperation sufficient enough to surrender. I needed to know that I was right and truly screwed, and that I was going to pick up a drink again and there was nothing I could do about it.

    That level of hopelessness got me willing to believe that it would take a miracle to save me. And I was pretty sure even that wouldn’t work. One of the best ways I know of instilling that hopelessness and desperation in somebody, is to take them through the Dr.’s Opinion and first 3 chapters of the BB and see how our individual experience lines up with it. We sit down together and work right through that book, sharing experience with each other.

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