One maddening mysterious defect | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups

One maddening mysterious defect

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    This 4th step is about wrapped up, and whatever I thought before, sometimes lazy, not ambitious enough, play to many video games, it turns out the picture I believe my Higher Power helped me paint of what I’m about and what needs to change has little to do with picking my nose and playing video games and everything to do with how I treat and deal with people.

    And oddly enough it was wrapping it up this morning I was reminded of one I’ve struggled against for ages.

    A neighbor came by beat on my bedroom door to ask about helping him with some more sheetrock work. The second he beat on the door I snapped. Get a deer in the headlights, out of sorts feeling, followed by outrage and indignation. I feel violated is the only way to put it and it’s hard to conceal.

    Of course I want to go hang sheetrock, that’s not the problem

    I react like this anytime I’m wrapped up in something. This 4th, playing a video game, reading a book, anything. An AA friend down the road barges in to bum a smoke, the phone rings and it’s for me, mom knocks to ask me something, any interruption to my train of thought, first I’m out of sorts then I snap.

    Same thing when I’m working. I actually loose work, doing a roof a customer’s neighbor broke my train of thought absorbed in my work and I almost snap at him all he wanted was to compliment me and if I could look at something he wanted built. He finally got my phone number as if he was some bum come up to panhandle
    Customers themselves are not immune interrupting me to ask a question or talk.

    I can catch myself acting out on defects Im aware of but the reactionary nature of this behavior just comes out and the situations that bring it out are sudden
    This very much fits in the theme this 4th is uncovering I just cannot put my finger on -why- I behave like this.

    Any thoughts? This needs to go out with the rest of the garbage :c004:



    Sounds like restless, irritable, and discontent, along with a dose of self-will run riot.

    from pg xxix . . .

    Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

    from page 62 . . .

    So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.

    Underlining is mine.

    The whole actor metaphor on pg 60-62 might be worth reviewing.

    Hope this helps.



    I woulda underlined the though he usually doesn’t think so part myself but oh well
    Trudging on

    That’s going to be a tough one for me I guess. Same one track attitude allows me to be a one man roofing crew.

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