One maddening mysterious defect | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 2

One maddening mysterious defect



This topic contains 7 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #4656578

    Anonymous

    Just stay focused on your steps and things will get better. This stuff doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, not an event.

    I used to be very snappy and agitated all the time. Now I am less so than before. And even now when I am snappy some of the time, it’s a more refined version. I’m still very much working on it with the help of a HP.

    Just don’t talk to me first thing in the morning or wake me up! :lmao



    #4656581

    Anonymous

    @JeremiahS 2573814 wrote:

    This 4th step is about wrapped up, and whatever I thought before, sometimes lazy, not ambitious enough, play to many video games, it turns out the picture I believe my Higher Power helped me paint of what I’m about and what needs to change has little to do with picking my nose and playing video games and everything to do with how I treat and deal with people.

    And oddly enough it was wrapping it up this morning I was reminded of one I’ve struggled against for ages.

    A neighbor came by beat on my bedroom door to ask about helping him with some more sheetrock work. The second he beat on the door I snapped. Get a deer in the headlights, out of sorts feeling, followed by outrage and indignation. I feel violated is the only way to put it and it’s hard to conceal.

    Of course I want to go hang sheetrock, that’s not the problem

    I react like this anytime I’m wrapped up in something. This 4th, playing a video game, reading a book, anything. An AA friend down the road barges in to bum a smoke, the phone rings and it’s for me, mom knocks to ask me something, any interruption to my train of thought, first I’m out of sorts then I snap.

    Same thing when I’m working. I actually loose work, doing a roof a customer’s neighbor broke my train of thought absorbed in my work and I almost snap at him all he wanted was to compliment me and if I could look at something he wanted built. He finally got my phone number as if he was some bum come up to panhandle
    Customers themselves are not immune interrupting me to ask a question or talk.

    I can catch myself acting out on defects Im aware of but the reactionary nature of this behavior just comes out and the situations that bring it out are sudden
    This very much fits in the theme this 4th is uncovering I just cannot put my finger on -why- I behave like this.

    Any thoughts? This needs to go out with the rest of the garbage :c004:

    May I ?

    You react with anger at disruption or interruptions?

    If you feel resentment put it on the list and follow where it leads.
    I could see excess self concern or selfishness being one manifestation.

    And if you snap at them it belongs on the harms list.

    You behave (or react) like this because you are afraid, anger always has its roots in fear. I don’t mean a tangible fear of this or that, I mean fear as a state of being. Thats the whole point of working the steps, to be rid of fear.
    Thet steps change our state of being from one of being based in fear to trusting and relying on the Spirit I call God.



    #4656580

    Anonymous

    Can’t say im always free of fear, frustration and anger or like having my comfort infringed upon but things are lots better nowdays, bouts like that are much shorter just a matter of attitude and flawed perspective. what I thought was rude interruptions was life banging on my door trying not to sit waiting for it to come to me nowadays! Up at 4:58 and out to meet the day.



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