This topic contains 14 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 8 years, 3 months ago.
- December 17, 2016 at 5:04 am #4817446
The funny thing is there is no rules for making an ammed read the big book everything here are just others oppinions including my own always do what aa conference approved literature says first before straying off into the web or other non approved literature.December 17, 2016 at 1:33 pm #4817440
my big book says I am to make direct amends,I take that to mean face to face when possible
this is a sample letter that might be edited for any purpose if seeing them in person is not possible
Told by his ex-wife that he couldn’t see her daughter to make his amends directly in
person, this recovering alcoholic was allowed to send her an amends letter. After 3
“sponsor edits,” this is how it ended up:
I’m writing to do what I can to set right the harms that I did during the
years that I was in a relationship with your mom. I’ve chosen to type rather
than phone for two reasons: First, my handwriting is pretty awful, and
second, because I want you to have something tangible that you can look at
later when life may be treating you rough. To tell you the truth, I’m tempted
to let things just stay the way they are because your mom tells me that you
have some good memories of the time we spent together. Part of me says
why mess with that? The best answer I have is that I loved you and, I’m
certain deep in my heart, whether you know it yet or not, I did you harm.
I’m sure that you were aware that during the years we were together I
was an active alcoholic. LET ME BE VERY CLEAR THAT THIS
ADMISSION IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER RELIEVES ME OF
RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY ACTIONS. I used alcohol and drugs because
they were the only things I knew that could give me the relief from the
constant fear I felt. I was drawn to you and your family because I
desperately wanted to love and to be loved, but I was also scared to death of
the prospect of being responsible, especially to others. Emotionally I felt
like I had one foot on the gas and the other on the brake. I’m sure that it was
hard for you to figure out what was real – is the real Step-Dad the one who
wants to loves me or the one who’s pushing me away? You weren’t crazy, I
was. You were a wonderful, lovable child and you had every right to expect
consistent love, emotional support, and parenting from me. What you got
instead was fear, chaos, confusion, and abandonment. I want you to know
that I didn’t fail to give you those things because you were unlovable or
undeserving but because I was a sick and frightened man incapable of
If you feel emotionally ripped off it’s because you were. If you feel
abandoned you’re not crazy, you were. I know at some deep emotional level
it’s hard not to believe that if you were really worthy and valuable that these
things wouldn’t have happened to you. Please believe me, this just isn’t so.
You are worthy and deserving of love then and now, it was I that failed you.
S.______, I hope that you’ll accept my heartfelt regret for these and the
unlisted harms that I did to you. Should you ever want to talk about any of
this please give me a call. If I can ever be of any service to you as a friend
I’d be honored.
.________________December 17, 2016 at 1:48 pm #4817441
I do know a guy who went to any lengths to make amends
he had a job soon after he got sober…but very little money.He owed amends in South Africa.He lived in N.Carolina at the time
So,he gets a credit card,uses it to buy plane tickets etc,goes to South Africa and makes all his amends,comes back home,and pays off the card…where there is a will,and God,there is a way
I heard another case of a great amends from the 1930`s from a Oxford Group member
I heard this from a man in his 90`s
he got sober in the Oxford group.About 3 weeks later,after prayer,he felt he needed to speak with his boss about his stealing electricity from the company,the electric company he worked for.
he went in and told his boss.he was sent to the company accountant to figure out how much he owed and how to pay it.
He went to speak with the company accountant,and the accountant said,no,no,there is no way you stole that much electricity….the most you could have stole was this much…and named a figure,which was less that he expected.How do you want to pay this asked the accountant?Well,he was broke and they talked it over and made arrangements on a weekly sum.As he was leaving,the accountant asked to speak with him privately about a matter.They met later and this is what happened.
I have never seen this kind of display of honesty he says.To tell you the truth,I have been dishonest myself.My marriage is in shambles,my wife has my bags packed at home and all she has to do is sign a paper and I am out.I am going home,and getting honest with her because she deserves it, and see if we can salvage our marriage.He went home and told her everything.
They decided to try and repair what they could of that broken marriage,based on honesty with each other and bringing God into it.
They struggled but they made it and it lasted over 35 years until one passed away.
this is a true story said the man from the Oxford Group
Now if that guy had sent a letter,what would have happened?
We will never know….
today,my sponsor directs me to pray before any amends ,read steps 8 & 9 in the big book,and do as I feel God wants me to do in my heart.
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