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- August 27, 2016 at 2:53 am #3736919
Although I have been thinking about it, I have not been making as much progress with writing my 4th Step as I should’ve because of procrastination.
My sponsor gave me a “soft deadline” of the Thursday before Labor Day because he had a week off from work that ended that night. He knows that I have been procrastinating and explained that he wanted to light a fire under my ass, so to speak.
Tonight I got very agitated about my lack of progress and began to bathe myself in self-pity over it and the program in general. I was already tired, hungry again, just home from a not-so-inspiring meeting, and feeling overwhelmed with non-AA stuff.
I decided to do the dishes just to get SOMETHING accomplished. As I scrubbed, I remembered a really simple meditation strategy that someone mentioned at a Step meeting last week. To paraphrase:
Breathe in: faith in your Higher Power and your Higher Power’s will for you
Breathe out: fear and self-will
My thoughts instantly turned to my HP and I physically felt chills as a feeling of relief and peace came over me. I had a crystal-clear realization that relying on my own self-will to manage everything was just not working, just like it never worked when I was trying to manage my drinking and my life when I was drinking. I needed my HP to take over. And my HP did.
After I finished the dishes, I went back to my desk and immediately began to write.
(Of course, I should still be writing, but I really wanted to tell all of you about this before I get too sleepy.)August 27, 2016 at 4:31 am #4740319
Thanks Mark for sharing your awesome expereince with us…:yup:
Forward we go….side by sideAugust 27, 2016 at 12:49 pm #4740320
Yup, the real test of having completed that 3rd step is sitting down and writing the 4th. People don’t “procrastinate” a 4th step, they simply haven’t taken the 3rd step. Once I took the 3rd step and abandoned all of my plans and schemes, there was no other choice but to sit down and write that 4th.
I’ve done three 4th steps. Just finished one about a month ago, along with 5-8, and am in the amends process with a few left to go. It’s a powerful and wonderful experience. You’ll survive. 🙂
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