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- March 7, 2016 at 8:36 am #4628932
I had a reply typed out and the F^&^&%$%ing thing went missing, so now I am in worse mood :tapping.
I do have a desire to stop drinking as it seems to be the major grief in my life at the moment. I am stuck in the comparing mode, looking at others and wondering what makes them so different to me? Why can they go get drunk and it doesn’t seem to cause them a problem? Is it because they don’t have someone their hurting because of their drinking? Are they not aware of how they drink? And I’m also defending myself to my friends who can’t seem to understand or accept that this is where I am in my life. It would be easier for me to say I don’t have a drink problem and them to try convince me that I do :wtf2
I have been attending AA and although some of it fits, a huge amount of it doesn’t, and also a huge amount of it I don’t understand. Maybe this 5 weeks will give me some clarity.
I also feel I should be struggling with the actual addiction more? I don’t seem to be. I don’t miss not having a drink, I don’t crave one, I don’t seem to mind as my life is easier without the hassle it brings with it. I don’t know if I should be in a certain state because I’m not drinking. My head is a mess because of all of these questions and the lack of knowledge on my behalf.
My date to start rehab is the 22nd of this month and I’ll be out of society for 5 weeks. No Phones, newspapers, contact with the outside world, no chocolate, or treats of any kind, no soda/fizzy drinks? :wtf2 I’ll probably be about a stone lighter coming out :O) I’m just hoping I get what I need from it and it helps me along the way. Today I am 41 days without a drink, and I don’t know how I should be feeling.March 7, 2016 at 8:41 am #4628933
@CarolD 2535321 wrote:
I went back to your frist time you posted…
It’s amazing reading over this again, you seem to forget how you were feeling at the time of writing, and reading it again, I Was wondering if it was actually me who wrote it, but yes it was, and it’s good to remember why I am in this position in the first place. As my sister keeps telling me, ‘I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be’March 7, 2016 at 9:12 am #4628924
Drinking was my solution. I loved the effect it had on me. And then my disease progressed quickly and I needed to stop but I found I couldn’t stay stopped. I drank even though I didn’t want to drink. It was horrible.
If you are not sure if you are alcoholic, here are the questions to ask yourself:
if – when you honestly want to, you cannot stay stopped and if, when drinking, you often drink more than you intended, you are probably alcoholic.
Powerlessness relates to control. It is the phenomenon of craving more once you start. I used to go for a couple of drinks at lunchtime and would find myself still drinking late at night. Also, I can now compare my drinking to my husband who is a normal drinker. He has a couple of drinks and has had enough. He feels tired and a bit queezy so he wants to stop. He doesn’t need to try to control his drinking. He can make a decision and stick to it because it is really easy for him to stop mid-drink. He’s like the people I used to drink with who would suddenly say it was time to go home and catch the bus. I didn’t understand them.
Which do you relate to? Me? or my husband?
The second part of step 1 (unmanageability) relates to our lack of choice in whether or not we drink. When I stopped, after a time, I got uptight and grumpy and all I could remember was how a drink would make me feel better. I just couldn’t remember the poo I got into last time I drank. So I would drink again to try to feel better and the bad stuff would happen because the craving kicked in. If you find that happens to you then you may have what I have – an allergy to alcohol (an abnormal physical reaction).
I hope this helps.
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