AA NA CA 12 Step Meetings & Anonymous Support Groups › Forums › Newcomers to Recovery › Relapse after 20 days….
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- June 20, 2017 at 11:28 pm #3753988
I went to my first AA meeting about 3 weeks ago. I went to figure out where I was in this whole process. I went home and drank that night. The next day, I read the first 164 pages of BB and decided that I am an alcoholic. I kept going to meetings and was doing well. I really did not have any cravings, until Saturday (day 20). I was meeting my ex husband to drop off our son and all I could think about was where I was going to buy some beer. Sure enough, I did. It crossed my mind to call someone, but I didn’t want to. I got home and popped the beer. I just stood there smelling it, trying to decide what to do. I finally gave in and drank and 5 more followed. Once I decided I had enough, I poured everything else out. I did end up reaching out to a fellow AA member AFTER the fact. I feel so much shame now for what I have done. I know that it is just a bump in my road to recovery, but I am having a hard time forgiving myself. I really don’t want to drink again. It didn’t taste as good as I remembered and definitely was not worth what I am going through now.
I am trying to focus on the 20 days I was sober and how great I felt. No drunk texting, no headaches, no regrets.
Anyway, I am glad that I am here.
Thanks for listening.June 20, 2017 at 11:53 pm #4968673
Welcome happygirl 🙂
I don’t think there’s too much point in being too hard on yourself – you faltered…and a lot of us did that – some of us like me did that a LOT.
You know what you should have done – use your support – don’t turn around and go back the way you came…there’s no answers there 🙂
The important lesson here is you know what to do should you find yourself in trouble again 🙂
DJune 21, 2017 at 12:11 am #4968675
You did it and it is over….Don’t dwell in the past. Focus on the future and the next 20 days…Think about your triggers and Press on 😀
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