Scared to be honest on my 4th step. | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 5

Scared to be honest on my 4th step.



This topic contains 13 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #4605884

    Anonymous

    @Jesse17 2501261 wrote:

    … Now I’m working on my 4th step, and I find myself panicked about telling my sponsor about one of my resentments. It’s one of those resentments that even though someone else hurt me, I’m so embarrassed and afraid someone will find out that I let it happen, I’ve never voiced it to ANYONE before …

    Thinking about my step 4 as I go and discussing it with my sponsor, who is BB oriented, I think sponsors aren’t therapists or trauma counsellors, they are only interested in what happened for the purpose in seeing that we have seen our part in it and what that shows about the values on our inventory. Sometimes this stems from a part you & I had in it after the fact. Our part was at any rate to fear and resent that person afterwards, because we were impacted or implicated in several aspects of our being and welfare. We only have a part in letting it be done to us if we have some responsibility in that. Apart from the fact that sponsors have heard so much before, and also that they aren’t there to impute things to us, maybe you could ask a counsellor or other trusted person to help you summarise the event so as to only share with your sponsor the amount of detail consistent with drawing up the inventory. I would not recommend you introduce major delay whilst undertaking this though. I’ve got a couple of incidents that I told my sponsor that is the approach I was going to take with them and he agreed that he was not there to here gory details if they don’t strictly illustrate the values on my inventory. Focus is perhaps a helpful concept when dealing with such incidents. I was concrete enough in what I told him that he knew exactly what had been going on and the wording on my sheet of paper is just concrete enough. But no way did my sponsor rub it in my face.

    I’ve just re-read that. Why not ask you sponsor himself to help you summarise the incident? I actually did that with several other incidents. Far from him writing my inventory, since the inventory seems to be my own voice with myself, he helped me find my own voice with myself.



    #4605894

    Anonymous

    Secrets keep one sick.
    You are as sick as your secrets.



    #4605881

    Anonymous

    @Jesse17 2501261 wrote:

    I find myself wanting to go to a different town and find someone I’ll never have to see again, to tell it to. But, I don’t think my sponsor will go for that. Heck, I don’t know if I am fearless enough to do that anyway.

    So, go to a different town and tell someone else. Your sponsor doesn’t have to “go for that.” Tell a pastor, priest, or someone in the medical profression like a counselor. I think when you observe the reaction from someone else, you won’t be so worried about telling your sponsor. Tell him AFTER you’ve shared with another person. I would suggest that you let him in on your plans to tell someone else though in the interest of being honest. If he objects, do it anyway. The important thing is that you dump the resentment and are honest with someone. Sometimes we have to take risks in order to be free of guilt and shame. This is one of those times.



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