- June 10, 2016 at 5:07 am #4686911
I met with my sponsor yesterday and told her about the “alarm bells” (as Trucker put it) that were going off in my head about these questions, and I feel quite a bit better today about it.
She said that the reason for the questions is, not to answer them and then go over it all with HER, but she gives it to her sponsees to prompt them for ideas about any resentments that we’re still holding onto, that we might not have otherwise thought of. For example, if someone grew up in an overly religious setting, and someone told them masturbation meant they were evil or something like that, that could have all kinds of negative repercussions that might end up in one’s inventory. (That just doesn’t happen to apply to me, thank God). Anyway, she said I could do the 4th step in any format or way I want to.
There are a couple of silver linings in all this that I wanted to share with everyone:
1. The anger and resentment I felt when reading some of those questions was partly due to OTHER, unrelated situations I’ve been in when people have been intrusive about my sex life. That anger and resentment is something I still hang onto, and therefore it was a good reminder (albeit in a roundabout way) of some things that I need to put in my inventory that I probably wouldn’t have thought of otherwise.
2. This whole episode has been a good object lesson about boundaries for me, which is something I’ve been struggling with all my life. Just because I’m in AA doesn’t mean that I can’t have boundaries, and this experience has prompted me to revisit the subject of anonymity with my local members in an upcoming meeting. I’ve already done so with my sponsor.
So, despite all my previous blustering and emotionality, I am going to consider all the information my sponsor gave me. And then I’m doing my 4th step inventory, AS DEFINED IN THE BB.
This has been a tough emotional time, and I just want to say thank you to all of you for your insights, wisdom and support. This forum is awesome.June 10, 2016 at 7:49 am #4686905
And then I’m doing my 4th step inventory, AS DEFINED IN THE BB.
when i go to meet with someone im working with i take the book and my cigarettes………i dont need or want anything else..no extra books..or extra ideas.
i havent got the brain power to make it anymore complex than that…..June 14, 2016 at 2:31 pm #4686906
Just saw this thread. The sex inventory is not about sex. It’s about relationships.
The book says to ask myself 9 questions, many of which are closely related.AA BB 1st wrote:We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.
That’s it. Then try to form a sane and sound ideal and be willing to grow towards it.
Anything else is not the program of AA.
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