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- June 3, 2017 at 5:44 pm #3752955
For quite some time actually. I began my current First Step work in March. The old “in the beginning” – physical allergy, mental obsession, those are no longer factors in as much as – life had become unmanageable. My current unmanageability.
Some new words grabbed me this time.Alcoholic Anonymous First Edition wrote:“just because we were maladjusted to life, that we were in full flight from reality, or were outright mental defectives”
The “just because” grabbed me because it implied those were reasons but NOT the only ones. So I sat with my:
Maladjustment to Life: I guess this is where they get the old “Life on life’s terms” quote I hear so often. I seemingly cannot adjust myself to the way things are, I’m constantly subconciously holding out this expectation or condition that things line up for me BEFORE I do something.
For example. Lose weight. Working long long hours and going to school with three kids under 3. Why I’ll get more disciplined when the big project is over, or when school is done things will settle down. Gotta watch my HALT. 😉
Full Flight from Reality: There’s 24 hours in a day, 168 in a week. Of course there’s time to goof off,, this project deadline is next week and even though I haven’t looked at what necessary to complete it, I know it shouldn’t take me but a few days.
Outright Mental Defectives:
In the crunch time of deadlines, I crumble and find myself discussing recent current events with folks online. As my wife watches T.V. she looks at me and says our son will be in kindergarten in 2012. My first thought, “Isn’t the mayan calander and the world supposed to end in 2012”. There’s something not right about my head. Mostly, I believe, it’s because it has a natural affinity for being firmly planted between my butt cheeks.
What does this have to with drinking and my alcoholism ? Considering the text:Alcoholic Anonymous First Edition wrote:We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.
A lot. It still screams, I’m hopeless without help. Without something pulling me forward and away from “me”. I’m a firm believer in I’m either heading towards a drink or away from a drink. My natural inclination to making excuses, falling short in my duties, not tending to my health, could set forth a series of events and situations that could ulimately lead me to the position where drinking becomes a plausible solution again. If for nothing else, some relief. I think somewhere in the literature where it defines me well as seeking comfort as opposed to building character.
The tough one is in Step 2. 😉 What’s my current agnosticism ?June 4, 2017 at 4:27 am #4957499
“out right mental defectives” thats always made me laugh :lmao:
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