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- November 6, 2016 at 6:50 pm #4790422
I leave the 12 x12 out of step work myself
I started my 4th step right after my 3rd step before I left my sponsors house.He had me start writing before I went home.He looked it over to see if I was doing it right.I was to pray before I ever wrote a letter every day.
I wrote and wrote and when it was done I had over 500 names on my list.
I was a very angry man.
I did mine like the big book said,and when I got to column 4,I followed the directions in the book,and I also asked myself a question,what did I want?
I saw I wanted something from each resentment and did not get it or I did not get it the way I thought it was supposed to be.
I saw a fear in each resentment and I was to name the fear.
I finished up my 4 column list,and I prayed the sick mans prayer for each name on my list.The prayer time changed my life and it took a lot of praying.
I then took the fears I had identified from my resentment list and started a fear list,and put additional fears on it.
I asked myself why I had those fears and how did self will fail me?
I asked myself another question
If I had trusted and relied in God___ __ ___ __ ___ ___
I filled in the blanks and then I saw how my life could have been different and how it can be different today.
I saw how I changed my life at a early age to try and behave how I thought you would want me to behave so you would accept me,and how the world had controlled me ever since I was a young boy.
then I was to use the fear prayer from the big book on each fear,which I did and still do today
then on to sex
I was to list every sex act
whether alone,with animals,men ,women,or objects.
I listed all my sex acts
I asked myself the questions from the big book and wrote them out
I saw how I had harmed a lot of folks and myself in the process.
How I never had a good relationship
I constructed a sex prayer and prayed it on every sex act on my list,and I use it today if need be.If I had trusted and relied in God my whole life would have been different and many harms would have been avoided,but my self will produces hurts and harms.
I used the answers I got from praying for my God given sex ideal and prayed for God to help me live up to itNovember 6, 2016 at 10:50 pm #4790425
Green…… stuff like that HAS to go to God for answers. If I truly listed everything I “had” a resentment over I could spend an eternity in inventory and never get to that 5th step. I’ve been, pretty much, writing inventory for the past 2 YEARS and I’m still nowhere near “done.” Heck, I’m 41 (for another couple months anyway) and it could take 1000’s of pages to catalog my entire life. I don’t expect to ever “finish” my 4th step.
What I do do though, is write until I get the sense from HP that it’s time…..time to share it.
Sometimes there’s value in writing a lot of “old” inventory, sometimes you’ll need to be current. Sometimes you have to do both. There is no “right” or “wrong”……the key is to be asking God for direction and then mustering up the willingness to follow through with what you hear.
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