This topic contains 38 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 8 years, 5 months ago.
- January 25, 2017 at 11:58 pm #4853073
This is what is hard. I can manage…I don’t want to get to a place where I cannot. I am in pain from all my worry and angst and control issues…I want to be better. Sometimes I feel as if I am being told I have to go and drink a few more years before I really “get it.” I want to stop now…my life is somewhat good and somewhat lacking. When I drink I want to keep drinking.January 26, 2017 at 12:31 am #4853071
Maryjan, I AM YOU!! EVERYTHING you wrote in this thread explains me and how I feel about things. I am high bottom, I haven’t lost anything, AND DON’T WANT TO! When I drink, and I feel a buzz, it has NEVER made me taper off, but always want more. I am proud of you and of me for recognizing what our future could end up being if we kept on the same path. I have felt unwelcome at AA at times also. Just do what you need to do for yourself. I have huge control issues. Concentrate on Gods will. Let go and let God..January 26, 2017 at 12:32 am #4853048
Yea Mary, I really (think) I know where you are coming from…
I had to put the unmanageability thing aside at first… Yea, yea… there were blackouts, some silly behavior that could have had serious consequences… but I really couldn’t relate to that part in “How it Works” where they say “we could not manage our own lives”…
So I put that aside…
OK, so where is my motivation, then, to let God manage my life???… I was doing ok thank you very much… ahem…. until I got into some trouble at work…. hmmm… oh, never mind 😉
I was in a place, however, where I could accept that I saw no real chance for lasting happiness and joy in my life by my own power, by managing it myself… a hah!!! Now this I could get my head around…
Unmanageability… It’s not what I thought it was… For me… it’s not about making car payments, getting to work, all that… No… It was about finding, and experiencing, the happiness, joy, freedom and serenity that my higher power (God) wants for me….. and … I can not manage to do that on my own self centered and self will run life.
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