Starting my first step work | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 7

Starting my first step work

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    Honestly, its more the awkwardness of the calls then anything. I don’t mention that I am calling because my sponsor told me too but I don’t really know what to say. I basically ask if they have any recommendations. I also find it much easier if someone calls me, because it feels like they are supposed to “lead” the conversation. Anyways, I went to a new meeting and spent alot of time after talking to some new people. Also texted a few after, didn’t make any phone calls except to my sponsor. I am in the process of moving to a new room tonight, so am trying to do that in between periods.

    Still thinking about changing my sponsor, I just do not feel very comfortable with mine right now. I feel like I am being scolded by him. I feel pretty uneasy around him. He is coming off as more and more judgmental to me and as I begin to reestablish my identity I can tell that we most like will not mesh over the long term. He has only met with me once to work on the steps. He is on vacation alot (going to Vegas tomorrow). He tells me that I am trying to move to fast. I think he is misunderstanding my enthusiasm. I know its going to take alot of work and recovery doesn’t happen overnight. It is a fine line between going outside my comfort zone (which I need too) and being told to do something that is too uncomfortable and makes me feel bad about myself (because I feel uncomfortable about doing so).

    A few examples: I told him that I was realizing alot about my childhood and it was making me a bit depressed and thus causing cravings. He replied that he felt my counselor was moving me too fast and that I should wait years until I address the issue. That is not going to work for me. I have made significant progress in this part of my life and frankly it is important to my immediate sobriety since I still have strong family ties still. He is not a professional and I have a great relationship with my counselor. She would not move me “too fast” if she thought it would harm me. I have total trust in her, much more then my sponsor at this point.

    I also told him that I was feeling angry at my ex-roommate for putting me through the same stuff over and over again (breaking the rules over and over again). He replied that “I’ve heard enough about this fing kid, new assignment, call two other people in the program every night. Then you will stop thinking about him” I asked if it would be okay to talk to people after meetings as thats easier, he said “No thats fellowship, thats different”. Keep in mind that this was right after I chaired my first meeting and it just kinda put me in a bad mood.

    Finally, I am really starting to like NA a bit more then AA and he is not a big fan of NA. I think they are very similar and I benefit from both, but I just connect with the NA lit easier.

    He is a good guy, but he just treats me like I am some young twenty year old that is rejecting the program. I am very into this program and feel that I am moving forward at a good pace. It takes me time to get used to people, that is just how I am. I do not need to be scolded, I respond much better to encouragement. He also has a family, a wife, children (very important to me) and a very stable job. This is something that I want to have in the future. In fact, marrying and having children are a major priority for me. I know that I will be a very good father and feel that I could do a great job raising a child/children.

    What is most important to me is that I do not go into a period where I do not have a sponsor. Also, I am glad that I actually sit back and think things through nowadays and do not make impulsive decisions. I will talk about this issue tomorrow in my small group. The staff is excellent in my program.

    I regularly talk to another guy and find that I just feel more comfortable, over the phone and in person. I am going to mention it to him tomorrow and see what he thinks about it. He is sponsoring another person in my program (I introduced them) and he is doing a good job with him. I also feel much more comfortable around the group he associates with and most of my calls are too this group.

    Anyways… just thinking out loud. Obviously, as an alcoholic I tend to play the victim and rationalize everything. That is why I am going to talk to my therapist and small group before I do anything. Thank you very much for the input everyone and please keep giving it to me (if you feel like it of course).

    I know I am doing a very good job. I go to at least one meeting a day. I am making new friends. I do service work and I reach out to people. I am doing very difficult work in therapy and dealing with issues that have plagued me for a long time, some have been issues for two decades. It feels great to actually be proud of myself. I do not think I really ever have. I can finally look people in the eye.



    Just had a quick conversation with someone that called. Made me realize I am making too big of a deal out of these phone calls. The previous post still stands, but when I think about it I believe I am a good person to talk to. Shoot, much of my old job involved alot of talking.



    Hey SJTChiSox —-

    I’m not going to get into your ‘sponsor problem’ at this time. I saw some things that for me would be red flags, but then I don’t know what kind of relationship you have, or want to have with your sponsor now, or any sponsor you may have in the future…..

    I will, however, tell you a little secret about phone calls. My sponsor’s first suggestion for me were to get two new phone numbers at each meeting I went to, and to call, and talk to, three folks every day (voice mail and answering machines did NOT count.

    One very good reason for these suggestions is……practice for the future (just in case). That in case….? In the future, if something traumatic happens in my recovery life, rather than running around like a chicken with its head cut off, since I’ve been getting all these phone numbers, and making all these daily calls; well, I will automatically reach for the phone and reach out for HELP…. (o:

    …..and a secret for what to say in these calls…..? Well, heck, I like to make it simple (just like my sponsor told me). All I had to do/say was, “Hi, this is Noelle, and this is one of my AA calls for the day,” and then I could hang up. ….see…..? ……easy; not even any reason to have a real conversation atall. After all, these calls are just ‘muscle memory’ exercises for a possible future need.


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