Starting my second step | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups

Starting my second step

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    Hello everybody, its me again. I made a thread in regards to my first step experience and now I have decided to do the same.

    Now first of all, I am working on my relationship with my higher power everyday. At the base, I always have the group. It is something bigger than me and can restore me to sanity. My addictive behavior was insane (same thing over and over and expecting different results) and by halting my addiction I can address my addictive behavior.

    I do believe in something more, but lets just say its in the works. My sponsor has me pray every morning and night. Which I do. Its very foreign to me to get on my knees, but I am trying. Again, what do I know? Obviously I could not manage my life and my substance use.

    I believe in a spiritual conscious, basically that voice in my head that seeks me to make the correct and healthy choices. Its that driving force that tells me to go to a meeting when I do not feel about it. That tells me that going and having a drink is not a good idea etc.

    I have a loving HP, I do not feel that it “challenges” me. It doesn’t place obstacles in my way. In fact it removes them.

    I am working on this everyday. I just need to keep at it.



    Have to be honest, I have had two horrible meetings. The first one was my home group, the lead was triggering me really really bad. He talked more about how much fun the drugs were then getting clean. I will admit that I did have fun at first, but I don’t need to here an intense discussion of cutting ketamine into lines. There were also several unmedicated mentally ill people. One of which ranted for over five minutes.

    Last night the subject turned to people not wanting to go to meetings. Just not what I wanted to hear.

    Anyways I am getting down on my knees and praying, but to be honest it really isn’t me. I do it because my sponsor tells me too, but its just not something I see myself doing for the long term. I am a spiritual person, but the whole “on your knees” type of stuff feels very christiany to me.

    Just needed to vent.



    @SJTChiSox 2845991 wrote:

    …but I don’t need to here an intense discussion of cutting ketamine into lines…Last night the subject turned to people not wanting to go to meetings. Just not what I wanted to hear.

    Not what anybody needs to hear in an AA meeting.

    I was going to just PM you with a consideration to look for a different home group, but maybe discussing it publicly serves a purpose.

    SJT, maybe it’s worth considering finding a home group that sticks to our common solution? Sometimes it can be difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff in AA. It can also be awkward at times for a group to shut down that kind of nonsense.

    I’ve seen people get really ticked when they are cut off by the chairperson after rambling about their kids or dog or tar on the road for 5 minutes. They’ve gotten up and left the meeting and talked crap about the group for weeks afterward.

    But it’s OK. Because the meeting stayed and AA meeting and the message got carried to those willing to hear it.. That group cared enough about the carrying the message to risk offending someone who is not being part of the solution. Even if it were me, I hope my group would shut me down when I start blathering my self-involved BS instead of carrying the message.

    My point is, those groups that are serious about carrying that message are serious for a reason. They know the message and the power it contains, and they know how to hook you up with the solution.

    It’s like a night and day different experience of AA to get involved in that kind of group.

    Just a thought.

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