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    Hi Tony,

    I don’t know your truth.

    I heard recently that we always hear that people go back to drinking because they stopped going to meetings.

    They said this may be a part of it, but more important is that we stop seeking recovery, we stop seeking God, we stop working our program, the one that saved us to begin with.

    I am sorry that the relapse happened, but you can get and stay sober.

    I am hoping you will find the willingness to seek recovery and God who can and will if he is sought.



    Tony…. might be worth your while to try the Marty Mann test:

    The Test: Select any time at all for instituting it. Now is the best time.

    For the next six months at least decide that you will stick to a certain number of drinks a day, that number to be not less than one and not more than three. If you are not a daily drinker, then the test should be the stated number of drinks from one to three, on those days when you do drink. Some heavy drinkers confine their drinking to weekends, but still worry about the amount they consume then. Whatever number you choose must not be exceeded under any circumstances whatever, and this includes weddings, births, funerals, occasions of sudden death and disaster, unexpected or long-awaited inheritance, promotion, or other happy events, reunions or meetings with old friends or good customers, or just sheer boredom. There must also be no special occasions on which you feel justified in adding to your quota of the stated number of drinks, such as a severe emotional upset, or the appointment to close the biggest deal of your career, or the audition you’ve been waiting for all your life, or the meeting with someone who is crucial to your future and of whom you are terrified. Absolutely no exceptions, or the test has been failed.

    Personally, I don’t have to take it to know just how it’ll work out for me.

    If nothing else, sounds like what you’re doing hasn’t been working so it’s time for some sort of change. Maybe you were just a hard drinker but a “real addict” and should check out NA?? Maybe you just need some occasional emotional/spiritual support and you’re capable of running your life on your own?? Maybe you’re a real alcoholic/addict and need to get back into one (or both) of the fellowships, work the steps, carry the message, sponsor ppl, etc etc etc???

    Were there any “half measures” during your 12yr stint in AA? I find it hard to believe that anyone working the program to the best of their ability suddenly finds themselves not in meetings and rationalizing taking pain killers.




    I am one of those “controlled drinking experiement” people. The challenge: two drinks, every day, no more, no less, for six months then stop entirely. If you can do that, I was told by some AA old timers, you are not alcoholic. So religiously I measured and drank two drinks each evening every day for six months and then stopped completely. Needless to say, I was elated. I had passed the “test”. I wasn’t alcoholic.

    That would be great if it were the end of the story.

    I decided I had been making too big a deal of days long gone. My past binge drinking episodes I chalked up to the excesses of graduate school and youth. I let go of trying to control, monitor or regulate my drinking. The moment I let go of trying to control my drinking was when I came to understand that I had no control. Very quickly, I spiraled into daily drinking (3-4 drinks) with weekend binges (6-8 drinks each Friday and Saturday).

    But for the grace of God, I would have continued that spiral into hell. One weekend, in the midst of my alcoholic haze, I had a thought that was as clear as clear could be. “Oh my God, I am becoming my father.” My father was an alcoholic, and he drank himself to death. That was my moment of clarity. I could not drink another drink. That was April 19, 2008. April 20th (yesterday) was three years.

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