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- June 10, 2008 at 12:41 am #4047657
I was addicted to methadone for 2 1/2 years and I quit cold turkey. My sobriety date is Sept. 18, 2007. I thought I had really bad back problems and I was on pain medicine anyway but I had some tests done and found out that there wasn’t anything wrong after all. So I quit my pain meds cold turkey and my sobriety date from them is Nov 3, 2007. I told my husband that I wasn’t going through the withdrawals again. So I started doing shots of tequila to take the edge off. During this time I cheated on my husband. Something I would have never done if I didn’t get involved with drugs. I wish I could turn back time and fix it but I know everything happens for a reason. Now I’m on suboxone and he keeps them for me because if they’re in my possession I abuse them. The other day I got his keys and got 6 of them out and didn’t ask or tell him about it right then. I told him about 2 days later but the point is that I did tell him. He got really mad at me and said that if just one came up missing then him and my son were going to stay somewhere else for a while. He said that he doesn’t see a change in my behavior. That’s the only slip up that I’ve had. I haven’t relapsed or anything. I’m so glad that I found this site because I’m not much for talking on the phone. How do you get your loved one to trust you again? Now since I cheated on him, he’s wanting revenge on me. He’s trying to find someone on the internet that wants to have a fling. Part of me feels like I owe it to him because of all the hurt that I’ve caused him but then another part of me wonders how he could hurt this family more than I already have. What should I do? I’m just all confused.
I was the type that I didn’t want to ask anyone for help but when I tried to come off methadone by myself (before he found out I was taking it) and couldn’t do it; I knew I had a problem but wasn’t sure how to ask for help. I prayed to God to get me off of it and he let my husband catch me again. I went to an outpatient rehab and completed it. I’ve gotten to where I can ask for help it I need it and I know that I was poweless over my addiction. But now some days are better than others. I hope everyone has a great week and thanks for listening. :codiepoliceJune 10, 2008 at 5:25 am #4047626
Hi Luvslife81, welcome.
I’m sorry to hear about the struggle you’re going through. The disease of addiction is a beast that wrecks havoc in so many areas of our lives. Thankfully, the NA program (the 12 steps) can offer a solution. It all starts with getting clean, going to meetings, getting a sponsor and working the steps.
In all that you shared, I didn’t hear you mention whether you’ve attended any meetings. Getting honest and attending meetings is a good place to start. I’m curious… you say you quit using methadone cold turkey, then you quit taking pain meds cold turkey, but then you say you drank alcohol…. and you mention a couple of “sobriety” dates – but if you are still using ANYTHING, you’re really not clean. So, are you clean right now?The drinking, cheating and sneaking pills are all behaviors related to active addiction.
And since this is a 12 step study forum, I can see how the aspect of unmanageability thats talked about in the 1st step applies to your life at this time. Please don’t get angry, but for me, there’s no such thing as a slip. Using is never by accident. And a relapse cannot occur if there hasn’t been a period of complete abstinence and recovery.
In NA, recovery begins with complete surrender and acceptance of the 1st step. Do yourself a favor and go to a meeting.
Be blessed and keep coming back.
GarryW.November 15, 2008 at 5:31 am #4047658
I have not been able to get used to the NA Step Guide. I mean, c’mon can we get any cleaner? The working guide onle asks me sooo many questions I would be an “informed addict” either way Im just an addict.
first step is a probelm statement. Period. I have no control over my use of substances despite my earnest desire. I can’t get me clean. The unmanagability is clear when I look at where and with whom I ended up with. I remember my own mother saying to me while I was counting days,” maybe you need a drink cause you are a piece of work.” I didn’t know how to live with myself without something to get me out of myself.
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