Step 2 | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 2

Step 2

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    I love it,this post is awesome,I understand it just as you do and you put into words what I’ve tried to explain but couldn’t get my thoughts in alignment as to how you posted feel the same way.This gives me hope. I am not where I was last year this time I know how much I have grown in recovery and come to believe that this is a process and not a one time deal,my way never worked but my insane thinking was telling me it would, that its a decease and will come back if I don’t humble myself and work the program and remain in conscious contact with my higher power.



    this step comes quickly to me… i have always believed there is something up there. there for step two was dont almost instantly. Life is the miracle all we have is today so live it out loud… for me wakin up with a smile on my face, feet on the ground, and a heart beat in my chest is plenty miracle for me:)



    My name is Rebecca (beccaflight9) and I am a cocaine addict and have Bipolar Disorder Type I. I have recently had another relapse (this makes three) since I began C/A and A/A in June ’08. I started with N/A about 2 1/2 months ago and really get a lot out of it, as well as liking the people in n/a. But since June ’08 I had mostly clean times but with binges at around the 2 to 4 month mark.
    My trouble began last February when I fell in love with cocaine. In May ’08 I went to the hospital to get clean because I knew I could not stop and was terrified and paranoid. I had continued to stay clean over the summer but was in the hospital 2 times over the summer and was in again in November, but proceeded to relapse again one week later.

    I thought I was doing fine and approaching the 2 month mark, then relapsed and binged. The insanity is back andI now have begun to spiral down into the pit of hell and depression, from being up for about 27 hours of using last week Wednesday. I am bipolar and that is just suicide and insanity. I was in bed for 4 days last week just due to pure exhaustion. Because I had so stressed my body, I got a herpes infection in my eye and my vision was completely blurred. I cannot, at this time, tell what will happen with my mind. I feel a nervous breakdown (exhaustion also) coming due to the imbalance of the chemicals in my brain, and the act of the relapse itself. I have been reworking Step One with my sponsor, but Step Two is now in progress right now. I pray God that He can and will restore me to sanity. I suffering of living through addiction has nearly consumed me and the emotional and psychological pain is such that I need my meds to put me out. When I sleep I have very bad dreams and wake up crying. I have been crying for the last week. I have lost connection with the world again, and fear I am dissociating from my feelings and mind.
    Please help me to stay sober tomorrow. Please respond to let me know who you are and maybe this website can help me make it through the pain and suffering of a relapse from an incurable obsession and compulsion with cocaine. I am, in fact, a crackhead.
    I am 53 years-old and acted impulsively and out of control. My body and mind cannot take this drug and it will kill me in the end without continued sobriety. My emotions feel dead and distored and my body is wracked up and broken. My mind is broken also. Getting hit by a train would be a better option, for at least you may not feel so much pain when you get hit… (joke)?
    So, whoever is out there, please talk to me so I can make it through the next hours tonight and into the morning. When I wake I feel terror and panic; my heart races and my thoughts are horrible. I have been going back to bed to sleep to avoid the horror of life right now. I just want to make it to a meeting tomorrow and hope to get to an online meeting tomorrow night here. This is all new to me, but I like the “extras” this site has to offer.
    Thanks for listening, and know I am praying and taking it one minute at a time and taking it easy (as easy as I am capable of right now!)

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