Step 2 | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 6

Step 2

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    hi,i hope u do well,as for me this is my second day being i guess if you can do it for a couple months there is still hope.dont give up.i wont either.



    :thanks@beccaflight9 2119637 wrote:

    My name is Rebecca (beccaflight9) and I am a cocaine addict and have Bipolar Disorder Type I. I have recently had another relapse (this makes three) since I began C/A and A/A in June ’08. I started with N/A about 2 1/2 months ago and really get a lot out of it, as well as liking the people in n/a. But since June ’08 I had mostly clean times but with binges at around the 2 to 4 month mark.
    My trouble began last February when I fell in love with cocaine. In May ’08 I went to the hospital to get clean because I knew I could not stop and was terrified and paranoid. I had continued to stay clean over the summer but was in the hospital 2 times over the summer and was in again in November, but proceeded to relapse again one week later.

    I thought I was doing fine and approaching the 2 month mark, then relapsed and binged. The insanity is back andI now have begun to spiral down into the pit of hell and depression, from being up for about 27 hours of using last week Wednesday. I am bipolar and that is just suicide and insanity. I was in bed for 4 days last week just due to pure exhaustion. Because I had so stressed my body, I got a herpes infection in my eye and my vision was completely blurred. I cannot, at this time, tell what will happen with my mind. I feel a nervous breakdown (exhaustion also) coming due to the imbalance of the chemicals in my brain, and the act of the relapse itself. I have been reworking Step One with my sponsor, but Step Two is now in progress right now. I pray God that He can and will restore me to sanity. I suffering of living through addiction has nearly consumed me and the emotional and psychological pain is such that I need my meds to put me out. When I sleep I have very bad dreams and wake up crying. I have been crying for the last week. I have lost connection with the world again, and fear I am dissociating from my feelings and mind.
    Please help me to stay sober tomorrow. Please respond to let me know who you are and maybe this website can help me make it through the pain and suffering of a relapse from an incurable obsession and compulsion with cocaine. I am, in fact, a crackhead.
    I am 53 years-old and acted impulsively and out of control. My body and mind cannot take this drug and it will kill me in the end without continued sobriety. My emotions feel dead and distored and my body is wracked up and broken. My mind is broken also. Getting hit by a train would be a better option, for at least you may not feel so much pain when you get hit… (joke)?
    So, whoever is out there, please talk to me so I can make it through the next hours tonight and into the morning. When I wake I feel terror and panic; my heart races and my thoughts are horrible. I have been going back to bed to sleep to avoid the horror of life right now. I just want to make it to a meeting tomorrow and hope to get to an online meeting tomorrow night here. This is all new to me, but I like the “extras” this site has to offer.
    Thanks for listening, and know I am praying and taking it one minute at a time and taking it easy (as easy as I am capable of right now!)



    Reason, season, lifetime poem check it out worth it.

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