Step 4 advice | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups

Step 4 advice

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    :grouphug:Started working on this step about 2.5 weeks ago and I am finding myself having trouble sitting down to work on the second column (my sponsor had me do it as it is outlined in the BB, first writing names/institutions, then why I am resentful, then my mistakes etc. column by column as opposed to by rows). I am very busay in life, but I know part of it is that I don’t want to deal with the feelings that this brings up. I find myself grumpy when I try to do 4th step work. I am praying about it and asking God to help me see things truthfully etc etc, but I am still resisting this.

    Does anyone have any personal experience or strength to share? Just hoping hearing some experiences from others might give me some strength for this one. I have no trouble thinking of people and institutions with whom I have resentments….and I’m sure I will have no trouble thinking of my mistakes. It is more that I am overwhelmed by it and thinking about the past so much.

    Thanks in advance for any experience anyone can share.



    I had some real resistance to doing the 4th step the way the Big Book explains… I really hit a brick wall myself. I finally had a breakthrough and once I really “saw” what this was about, the wall crumbled… It was like riding a bike, steep learning curve, but once I had some success… 🙂


    Why I am resentful? It is because it affects my…. For me, this was usually.. “It affects my pride”… Turns out I am a really prideful SOB and that caused me endless misery. Hard to say exactly what I want to try and get across… there had to be a certain detachment, like I was looking at myself as if I were not that person… or, and this is crazy… like I was a child… sometimes a confused child, sometimes a selfish one, sometimes an arrogant one… And then detached from any attempts at denial, self defense, intellectualization, justification… which means, of course, a certain amount of willingness to forgive… to see myself as just a man, no less, no more.

    Hope that made some sense… That’s my experience.



    I’ll be watching this thread with great interest, because I’m having the same problem. It feels like a review of the worst parts of your life. I know I gotta just DO it, but big projects in general feel overwhelming to me sometimes, and it’s hard for me to overcome the resistance and inertia. I know that once I’m on a roll it usually is not as difficult as it appears to be, but…

    So yeah.

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