Step 4 advice | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 2

Step 4 advice

This topic contains 22 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 years, 7 months ago.

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    I found it worked if I was concrete and simple. It didn’t matter whether someone else caused the incident or me. Or whether it was nobody’s fault or trivial or what. What faculty of me was implicated is in the third column.


    1st column – 2nd column

    teacher X. – queried me getting back late to lesson from games because of cramp

    Mum – used to accuse dad of weakness

    colleague Y. – asked me if I thought I was a problem drinker

    I can figure out that the first of these impacted my physical wellbeing/security and my relating and my social standing when I get to do the third column. If I do it now I’m distracting myself. For now I can get to the next incident with the next person place or institution.

    Let’s give ourselves a break, stop working ourselves up and keep it nice & simple. We had feelings and there were things that stuck in our memory & it doesn’t matter why. Let’s have compassion on the fact.

    I’m still half way through because I found I had done some step 4 work and mislaid it in the flat years ago. I reviewed that with the sponsor a few weeks ago.

    So I’m now resuming with more people places & principles in column 1.

    See which things come to mind. It does bring the alarm back and the embarrassment I admit, hence the need for compassion which we didn’t have for ourselves when it all happened.

    Let’s abandon all that guilt.

    Some kid got to a lesson late which is embarrassing. His mum used to row his dad which is alarming. His feelings were all over the place. Kids’ are. Let’s have compassion on that. A personal question was asked (it turned out with a helpful intent) but personal questions are always alarming! Let’s have compassion on our own alarm and just simply list the concretes.



    @LawMama 2746972 wrote:

    It is more that I am overwhelmed by it and thinking about the past so much.

    You’re not alone. It’s so common for people to balk at Step 4, that we’ve given it cute little names like ‘4th Step fade’ and ‘1,2,3 and out’.

    I deal with the overwhelming perception of it by taking it in pieces. First I write a name (column 1), then why I’m angry (column 2), then how it affects me (column 3). That’s not overwhelming. That takes 2 minutes. I don’t think about the rest of it. When I’m done with that, I write another.

    Some things that were passed on to me. Write something every day, even if it’s only 10 minutes. Sometimes even that can be a struggle, but other times it comes pouring out and I’ve written a lot. And don’t edit it or judge it. The only thing that counts is thoroughness and honesty.

    The 4th Step is uncomfortable. This power that I’ve invited is coming into my life. Change is happening, and my ego, alcoholic mind, or whatever you want to call it is resisting that change.

    I have a choice here. Close the door and not look at the dark places, letting them hide away and still dominate my life, or bring them out into the light of day and get free from them.



    It is more that I am overwhelmed by it and thinking about the past so much.


    Goes right against the grain doesn’t it…..the glaring truth is hard to swallow.
    Id glance across at that locked briefcase kicking it further under the

    By a strange coincidence (not) sponsor seemed to be everywhere……”hows it going”….”get it nailed”..
    A business that doesnt do inventory goes bust…….makes/made complete sense to me.

    Like has been said, most of the uncomfortable feelings were my ego kicking back…
    i guess if you are finding it painful then i must be “the truth” your uncovering.

    Nail it…

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