Step 4 advice | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 8

Step 4 advice

This topic contains 22 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 years, 7 months ago.

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    You sound a lot like me Steve. I reeeeally tried to list resentments in my 1st inventory and really couldn’t come up with more than a couple when it came to other ppl, places, institutions, and so forth. There were a ton of things I hated about myself though.

    What has your sponsor said about this?

    I had to learn what “resentment” really means: to re-feel – before I understood I carried a TON of resentments. There were a lot of things I’d replay over and over in my head. Those are resentments.

    Same with fear…..didn’t have many on that first inventory but I sure have found a lot since then.

    From what I experienced and what I’ve seen others experience, many of us have over-exercised our ego, our denial and some other character traits to block ourselves from recognizing stuff like resentments, fear, shame, & guilt.

    What has helped me see that stuff has been praying for the ability to see it….praying for the courage to face it…….& praying for the honesty to write about it. It’s also helped to write a LOT of inventory. I want to write every day but sometimes I slack off and don’t. I’ll tell you this though, I’ve got 100’s and 100’s and 100’s of pages….and the more I write the more my inventory is revealed to me.

    Try the prayers and try to write everyday……. and talk to your sponsor and see what his direction/opinion is.



    @LexieCat 2748233 wrote:

    Yeah, I need to listen to Joe and Charlie again. I listened to the whole thing once through, but I need to listen once more specifically on the Fourth Step.

    One more question–as I understand it, we are to focus on current resentments, right? As opposed to ones we’ve had in the past that we’ve long since let go of. I know some of the ones from the past still eat at me, so those go on the list, but apart from the list we of people we have HURT in the past, the focus for the resentment part is on the present, am I correct?

    My sponsor had me doing daily 10th step inventories right from the start. Usually, I caused harm (Step 8) haha and followed through with an amend or a complete change in attitude and behavior.

    Got to learning abot the condition of my condition.

    My Step 4 is going much like DTs now. Moving onto FEAR and SEX (both of which I couldn’t identify in early sobriety and/or wasn’t willing to look at it then).

    I’m working the “Take It Easy” approach on the past haha; however, it’s become a crisis of my own making I can “no longer postpone or evade.”



    I’ve found that I require some power to see the truth about myself. The 4th step comes after 1-3 for a reason. Failure to do a 4th Step, in my experience, is usually because I cling to some delusion of still having power over my life and my alcoholism.

    Phrases like, who do I feel uncomfortable around, less than, better than, who would I rather not bump into, what institutions would I never be a part of, what principles drive my beliefs are all useful in seeing the resentments in my life.

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