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- January 16, 2015 at 1:38 am #3965797
I talked with my sponsor throughout the process of writing my eighth step, so that I could look at my amends, and willingness. For each of the amends I owe, we talked about how I could make things right. What kind of amends would best rectify the harm caused. For times when I was a poor friend, and there wasn’t financial or physical harm caused, a sincere apology, and an ongoing process of thinking of others more, and myself less is about all I can do.
In my active addiction I harmed a lot of people that I don’t know, as a thief, and a destroyer of property. (translation, I stole cars, parts, and got into barfights that usually ended with me breaking something on my to being ‘invited’ to leave). Where I can make financial amends, to business owners whose property I’ve broken, my sponsor suggested I be prepared to contact them and confess to what I had done, and offer to pay for, replace, or repair what I had broken.
In cases where I don’t know who I harmed, or harmed those in the community, I’m trying to volunteer where I can, to give back to people who need help, and working on being prepared to make amends to the people I’m no longer in contact with as I find them in my life.
I made the list of my amends, and part of my process of becoming willing was to honestly look at what I could do to make things right. Seeing that there were often ways that I could help repair the damage I caused was a big part of my becoming willing to actually make amends.January 16, 2015 at 3:46 am #3965795
yes of course Im close with my sponsor on this. I like hearing others experiences too. Thank you very much.
See I feel like if I know exactly what the amends ought to be then that will reveal more about my willingness, honestly.January 16, 2015 at 5:25 am #3965792
@Missybuns 2064982 wrote:
So when did you decide exactly whatthe amends would be? Was that a part of step 8 after your list was complete or did you see that as a part of step 9 as you made the amends? (and yes this is a question for my sponsor, only I want to know your experience)
edited to say dang I no good at italics!! lol
I actually didn’t cross the bridge of envisioning how I’d make amends until the 9th step. I don’t know about anyone else, but the biggest part of Step 8 was understanding what “harm” was. And once I had a clear picture in my head as to what harm was…formulating how I would correct the harm (making amends) wasn’t difficult. SCT gave some great examples, but like I said, I didn’t really concentrate on what or how in Step 8 because Step 8 was more of an exercise of looking back…not forward. In Step 9 we make direct amends, and this was done after carefully considering my options and lengthy discussion with my sponsor.
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