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- December 18, 2013 at 9:55 pm #4192117
Matters of Prestige
“I have never seen a greater monster or miracle than myself.” Michel De Montaigne
Today we need to look more closely at how morality enters into the blueprint for making amends. And this brings us into the area of “omissions and commissions.”
* Have we been unfaithful to the significant other in our lives?
* Have we dealt in character assassination against someone we know?
* Have we been so self-obsessed that we’ve failed to meet the needs of our spouse? Our lover? Our parents? Our siblings? Our children? Our friends?
* Have we been a parent who has not been sensitive to the needs of our children? Have we ruled them by emotional blackmail? Have we withheld love and approval? Have we not been there for them when they needed us?
* Have we been so preoccupied in furthering our own social and business careers that everyone else must take second place on our priority list?
* Have we been demanding? Critical? Patronizing? Untruthful? Self-serving?
As we answer these questions on our written inventory of amends (for it must be written—just like our Fourth Step), we will proabably discover even more incidences where money, property, and prestige were the motivating factors for our old behavior.
Today’s Step: I uncover ways the need for presige has led me to wrongdoing.
Step by Step.. Muriel ZinkDecember 19, 2013 at 9:25 am #4192116
The Courage To Make Amends
“Courage is to feel the daily daggers of relentless steel and keep on living.” Douglas Malloch
Someone once said that we come into this world like a clean sheet of paper, and that everyone we meet scribbles on us. This may well account for the part of us that feels victimized by circumstances beyond our control.
As we pursue Step Eight and write our own findings on paper, we become more and more aware of our own culpability. And yet, we also begin to realize that when we face up to our problems we can evoke skills and talents we didn’t know we had. When we go deep inside ourselves, we find that we do posses the courage to face those to whom we have done harm. We also know, that having aligned ourselves with a power greater than ourselves, we have an ever-present support system to bolster our resolve.
As we progress, we can define more and more clearly how we were drawn into our dependency. With hindsight, we can identify the attitudes and actions that catapulted us into this downhill run. We can track how one act led to the next. One lie led to the next. One disaster led to the next. Until, at last, we were forced to realize that we were caught in a web of such tenacity that it was impossible to find a way out by ourselves.
The old adage “forewarned is forearmed” now becomes a vital tool in preventing us from falling back into old habit patterns.
Today’s Step: With the support of the group and my Higher Power, I face my amends with courage.
Step by Step. Muriel ZinkDecember 20, 2013 at 10:34 am #4192115
“The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide.” anonymous
As we resurrect past situations, and the people who were involved with us, many of us begin to reexperience old depressions.
But now, we can begin to look at our depressions in a different light. Not so much from the standpoint of who or what caused them, but rather what we gained from them. As we make our list of those we’ve harmed, we can also think about the payoffs we experienced by having depressions. There always has to be a payoff in any continuing behavior. True, it might be a negative payoff, but it does serve a purpose.
One woman reported that migraine headaches were her payoff. It took her a long time to figure out how something that painful could work to her advantage, but she finally got it. Whenever she had a migrain, she was forced to retire to a dark room where she was unable to tolerate any sounds, sights, or smells. She might stay there for a day or more in complete seclusion until the pain and nausea had subsided enough for her to emerge.
The payoff was, of course, that during the headache episode no one could expect her to do anything. Hence, she was not only freed from responsibility, but no one had the heart to confront her when she was in such obvious pain.
Today’s Step: I see clearly the payoff in my depressions and other difficulties.
Step by Step. Muriel Zink
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