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- December 15, 2013 at 12:43 am #4192033
“It is difficult to live in the present, ridiculous to live in the future and impossible to live in the past.” Jim Bishop
As we review the list we made in Step Eight, we can now attempt to sort out our prospective amendees. Step Nine makes it clear that we must make amends “except when to do so would injure them or others.”
We need to carefully assess whether our making amends might affect not only the persons with whom wew wish to clear the air, but also others associated with them. For instance, if we were involved in some unsavory business deal, we have to consider whether we might implicate others who were also involved. We must carefully weigh the value of clearing our own conscience against the difficulties our disclosures might cause them.
Frequently, our immediate thought is: “Great! This gets me off the hook with lots of folks, because making amends to some of them would create a domino effect.” When we work Step Nine we have to be sure that we don’t make it just another ploy in an attempt to avoid humiliating ourselves in front of others. The intent of Step Nine is not meant soley as a means of clearing our own conscience and relieving us of further responsibility. We do need to carefully consider the impacct it may have on others. And we also need to resist the temptation to avoid as much personal discomfort as we can.
Today’s Step: I use discenment in making my ammends
Step by Step. Muriel ZinkDecember 16, 2013 at 9:42 pm #4192034
“Getting out of a rut is the highest mountain we have to climb.” anonymous
If we have thoroughly absorbed the message of guilt-innocence that we explored in an earlier step, then we’ve accepted the fact that if it hadn’t been for our disease, we would have handled our lives and affairs very differently.
This being so, one of the first amends we need to make is to ourselves. We need to forgive ourselves for behaving in a manner that caused others disappointment and hurt. In order to do this, we need to remind ourselves that even when we were caught up in the progression of our disorder, we did the very best we could at the time. And further, at this phase of our recovery, there is no way we could or would behave in the same manner as we did then. Our finer nature, which was buried so long under the blanket of our addiction/compulsion, now comes to the fore. Today we know that we have sufficient positive attributes to act in an honest and acceptable manner.
We always evaluate ourselves in a much harsher manner than we would judge others who have committed similiar offenses. This very attitude is a form of inverse pride.
Today’s Step: I make amends to myself by letting go of unrealistic guilt.
Step by Step. Muriel ZinkDecember 17, 2013 at 6:52 pm #4192035
Matters of Money
“I don’t know the key to success but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” Bill Cosby.
Admittedly, many wrongs have been done to us by others. But it’s not our purpose to set out, like Don Quixote, to right those wrongs. Ours is not a quest to bring our enemies to their knees; it is plainly and simply an exercise in self-examination and restitution.
If we seem to be belaboring this point, it’s simply because this is one of the most common difficulties that has beset many of us. Somehow, it’s difficult to comprehend why we have to take all the responsibility for the bad experiences we’ve had with others. We stubbornly cling to the notion that they should be held responsible for their part.
We do not take all the responsibility. We simply acknowledge where we were wrong. And we become willing to make amends for the part that was our doing.
We must look carefully at where we may have bilked or conned someone, or where we accepted payment for work that was haphazard or shoddy. We examine all our dealings with money—borrowing, overspending, cheating, withholding, wasting. We carefully assess each incident that has proved harmful to ourselves and others.
Today’s Step: I take responsibility for the wrongs I have done, and let God handle the ways I was wronged.
Step by Step. Muriel Zink
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