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- December 14, 2013 at 9:13 am #3698210
Blueprint for living
“A man can not be comfortable without his own approval.”
For those of us who keep a journal, the Tenth Step has really been in effect for some time. Perhaps we haven’t pinpointed our errors and omissions in quite the same manner as we’re now prepared to do, but in all probability we’ve gained a sense of when and how we slip up.
In essence, this step is a blueprint for living one day at a time. Although each of the Twelve Steps are designed for that precise objective, Step Ten really brings this techinque into focus.
When we were little, most of us had fantasies about an ideal existence in which we were rich, successful, healthy, and brave. Our heroes were those who overcame seemingly insurmountable obstacles aginst evil forces or tragic circumstances and emerged victorious and heroic in the eyes of others. We wanted to be like them.
Today, as we overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles against the malignant progression of our disorders, we are our own heroes and heroines. We are emerging victorious over the defects and shortcomings of our past. Those close to us are looking at us with new respect. And, above all, we are beginning to like and trust ourselves.
Today’s Step: In m daily inventory, I find a blueprint for living.
Step by Step, meditations for living the Twelve Steps. Muriel ZinkDecember 14, 2013 at 8:10 pm #4192086
Same old song
“Cast your bread on the waters and you get buttered toast.” anonymous
In Step Ten we want to pay special attention to those who have been dominated by our past disorders. We need to demonstrate a great deal of patience and understanding with them.
In Step Nine we spoke of the leaners and the leanees and how that kind of enabling relationship affected our personal lives. As we continue to take our daily inventory, we want to look at who we behave toward those people right now. Are we still being demanding? Impatient? Condescending? Critical?
Old habits are very hard to break. Once we’ve established a pattern of interaction with others, it’s extremely easy to fall back into that old, familiar routine. Sometimes all it takes is a sight, a sound, a smell, a remembered phrase from a song or even a familiar gesture to trigger our reaction. And there we are, behaving in the old familiar manner. Like Pavlov’s dog, we’ve been conditioned to responses which we develope as protection against criticism during the progression of our disorders but which are now totally inappropriate.
In the past we might have convinced others that they were responsible for our irresponsible behavior. Now we want to be sure that we’re not continuing this same type of emotional blackmail.
Today’s Step: My daily inventory reminds me to change my old relationship patterns
Step by Step. Muriel ZinkDecember 15, 2013 at 12:24 am #4192087
“We have more ability than willpower, and it is often an excuse to ourselves that we imagine things are impossible.” La Rochefougauld
We felt a great deal of relief and very likely, a feeling of pride, when we made amends to those persons we had harmed in the past. Step Nine gave us some experience in how to make amends, and we can continue to call upon that experience today to promptly admit our wrongs.
No one we know enjoys admitting that he or she goofed. This leads to a tendency to procrastinate when it comes to admitting our mistakes. But we will learn, in time, that the term “promptly” has great merit. Cleaning up today’s wreckage today means we don’t have to go through needless agaonzing or loss of sleep trying to summon up courage to do so.
As a matter of fact, it usually seems much more difficult when we think about it than when we do it. We always make mountains out of molehills in our minds when we worry about how our admission of wrongness will be percieved by others. We need to remind ourselves that all these steps were created as tools, and that our program is one of enlightened self-interest. When we’re O.K. with ourselves we’re generally O.K. with others too.
Today’s Step: When I am wrong, I promptly admit it.
Step by Step. Muriel ZInk
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