What do I do? | 12 Step Meetings and Anonymous Groups - Part 3

What do I do?

This topic contains 11 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by  Anonymous 8 years, 2 months ago.

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    A good friend of mine who is an addictions counselor helped me develop this set of questions:

    I walk up to them and say
    “I am looking for a sponsor and I have some questions I’d like to ask you”

    1. Have you worked the 12 steps?
    2. How long did it take you?
    3. How much recovery time do you have?
    4. How many people have you sponsored in the past?
    (how many of those made it successfully through all the steps?)
    5. What would it take for you to drop a sponsee?
    6. What is your perception of sponsorship?
    7. Do you have a sponsor
    8. Would you be available 24/7?

    You can do what ever you like with the answers.

    I asked these questions for reasons that may not be obvious to everyone, and that’s ok. After using this interview approach I got a sponsor who I’ve had a great relationship with for almost 3 years now.




    I learned a lot about getting a sponsor by trial and error. It wasn’t easy that way. Maybe you won’t have to do that. I picked the first one just on the spur of the moment. She suggested that she sponsor me, so I agreed with it. Then she promptly began telling my secrets. So that didn’t work.

    The next one I got to know a bit first. And she really did try. But she wasn’t through the 4th step herself, and she’d been clean for 4 years. I should have got somebody who’d done the steps all the way through at least one time, I learned.

    Some other stuff to consider, at least for me, were that this sponsor was in a very different situation than me. She got a year off from work, lived with mom and dad, and only worked on recovery for that whole year. Nice, but not possible for me. So she made suggestions to me like “you cannot miss any days of going to meetings or you will pick up.” I had to miss some days, as sometimes my job requires a 16-hour double. So she made me feel guilty when this happened. She even asked me to resign my service position because I worked rotating 3-shift work and couldn’t be at home group 1 out of every 3 weeks. She wanted me to quit my job for recovery. I am a single mom with a mortgage and a career that will let me retire with a nice pension in 5 years. I’ve put a lot of time in here. So that doesn’t make sense.

    So this time, I looked for a sponsor with at least a couple years clean, didn’t gossip about others all the time, had something like a job and maybe kids like me, seemed to have some sense, and had done her steps a time or two with her NA sponsor. For me, I wanted someone that I felt I could easily talk with that I liked being around. I didn’t want it to be a punishment every time I called her up. I also sought out a woman who didn’t have a ton of other sponsees and had enough time to talk to me most days.

    This has worked out great! I love my sponsor, and she recently helped me celebrate my first year clean. I am currently working my forth step, and I’m comfortable thinking about reading it to her. I know she’ll be helpful and understanding when I share.




    hey family, i am starting my 4th step today, i am excited to clean house and also scared. i am blessed to have a wonderful sponsor, and to have a clear understanding of what to do. i guess my fear comes in being honest and open with myself. writing is definitely a tool i have used, and do use in my recovery. its helped me through a lot of tough times and a lot of indecision. i tossed and turned last night thinking about EVERYTHING, lol. and thats what this is its everything i thought i was. the lie i lived for so long. to be able to recognize it and then to let it go…..amazing. i guess the part thats not is that question… what will be left? and i was listening to a woman last night share on it and she said something that had a profound affect on me. she said that if you rip all the stuff out to fast you are in danger of riping out some of the good. so take time and write it out re read it see if anything could be an asset and don’t forget we DO have assets. and that is really hard to remember but very important to include…its and inventory not just a con list. i thought that was really important for me to hear right b4 starting my 4th step today. and i was also given a timeline to work my 4th step. my sponsor said hey guess what if you forget something you can do it the next go round you will be doing the steps forever. i have two weeks and i am not doing the step working guide she feels it might hold me back on everything i will want to write. i also have to include 5 assets which at first seemed like a lot. either way i would like to hear some experience on the subject. i am excited to know how everyone has done on there 4th. :ghug3 < >

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