This topic contains 11 replies, has 0 voices, and was last updated by Anonymous 8 years, 2 months ago.
- April 29, 2017 at 5:05 pm #4189659
The point is to discover and uncover what is defective about my personality. The grudge list (resentment list) is one of those key things, for a couple of reasons.
1) Number one killer
2) Someone said, “Resentment is always a ‘justice’ issue” but it’s usually about what I consider just and unjust about what has happened or is happening to ME.
3) Therefore, Resentment is a manifestation of Self, aka Self Will Run Riot, the root cause of my problem.
Resentments may not be the ONLY manifestation of Self (Ego too large) but they are a biggie.
My experience suggests you will comprehend more as you do, and then when you re-read you will comprehend more of what you have done, which will help you do it more and do it over again, ad infinitum. It’s not a one-time shot.
Some people claim that everything you write after your first Step 4 is a Step 10, I think that’s a bit too literalist. If it’s about some minor incident today, it’s Step 10, to me. If it delves into my past, where my minor incident or resentment today is reflected by my patterns in my past, same stuff, then I consider it more like Step 4. I think that’s not an important point to bicker about.
My experience was that while writing I saw “oh, THIS is what they mean by ‘Self Will Run Riot'” and “oh, THIS is what they mean by ‘Ego'” and also “oh, so THIS is what they mean by ‘God'”, these distinctions were discovered in that writing process. So it became a circular and cyclical process, and not all that rigid, more flow.
Bruce Lee taught something like this. First you punch and kick. Then you learn all kinds of exotic forms … which are necessary for practice. In the end, it’s back to the simplicity of a punch and a kick. Maybe keep that in mind, develop the proficiency of the basics, and take that path where it leads you, not by abandoning the basics but by becoming more proficient and expanding your horizon. I love the basics, AND the more complicated “psycho-babble” so long as it’s useful psycho-babble and makes sense in light of the basics, and not misdirection.
Starting with Resentments (and my relationship with people) (and places and things and concepts) and my fears and my sexual relations (terms that God and I feel comfortable with, not necessarily “straight pepper” nor “prude”) are the basics, because they reveal “huge chunks” about me to me.April 29, 2017 at 5:18 pm #4189660
@kj3880 2222156 wrote:
this sponsor was in a very different situation than me. She got a year off from work, lived with mom and dad, and only worked on recovery for that whole year. Nice, but not possible for me. So she made suggestions to me like “you cannot miss any days of going to meetings or you will pick up.” I had to miss some days, as sometimes my job requires a 16-hour double. So she made me feel guilty when this happened. She even asked me to resign my service position because I worked rotating 3-shift work and couldn’t be at home group 1 out of every 3 weeks. She wanted me to quit my job for recovery.
The people who wrote the (AA) Big Book stated that their involvement was an AVOCATION. That means NOT a JOB. It means like a hobby.
The Program itself is daily work on the Steps, ultimately just living the Steps, a spiritual life. Attending meetings and Twelfth Step Work is an avocation. In the beginning, for some of us, we must choose total immersion, because we are so f’ed up and we’re not doing much anyhow. Abandoning our lives to do AA might be preferable to abandoning our lives to do prison, hospital, or gravesite.
However, not all of us are at that point.
I think the Founders met once or twice a week. On the other hand, Bill W was able to take a month or so off work and stay at Bob’s house in Akron, before he returned to his home. He had some money and his wife was willing to support him. Bob was a fairly well-off professional, a doctor.
Other people are living on the streets and don’t have a “life” to keep them too busy to go to meetings.
A friend of mine with some clean/sober time decided to kick methadone too. She spent about two months on the couch, barely able to walk to the bathroom, no sleep, etc. Her daughter was in high school, semi-self-sufficient.
I think AA/NA sponsors are in error when they try to do recovery like we’re some “cult”.April 29, 2017 at 7:11 pm #4189658
Fears, anger, hurt..these are all natural human emotions.
Stop making a mountain of a mole hill.
It’s well known that when we stuff or surpress our feelings we get depressed.
When we get depressed on gose with numbing out..whatever your favorite
avenue of checking out, copping or escaping.
The notion that if we get spiritual (lots of guru in recovery.lmao)that somehow we’re not going to experince fears, anger, pains, greiving is miss leading. Recovery litatures warn
us of this in so many different ways in so many chapters.
Step 3 in it works how and why.
” No amount of spiritaul awaking will remove our pains”
It’s ok to feel fears. It’s ok to feel anger. It’s ok to cry or feel pains.
I’m not angery….I feel angery
I’m not afraid. I feel afraid.
I’m not sad, I feel sad
I’m not my thoughts, feelings or behaviors
I have thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
I’m bigger than my thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
Therefore have I the power to alter my thoughts, feelings and behaviors.
Therefore I have the power and chioce to CHANGE and change my life.
I have a chioce.
I chose to focus on positive thoughts.
I chose to feel happy
I chose to take healthy actions or develope healthy habits/behaviors.
If I feels sad or angery, I chose to mellow out and not react with negative actions.
If I feel I need to cry. I allow myself to cry.
If I feel angery. I chose to let go of my feelings of anger by channling negative energy
into postive or healthy actions.
Step 6 also reminds me that sometimes I must stand up for myself.
When other poeple treats me bad I no longer have to behave in my old ways
stuff my emotions, anger and continue to be abused. I must take courage, face my fears, tell abusving/adbrasive poeple to stop treating me bad.
Depending how abusive and manipiulative some people are, I no longer need to feel guilty for telling them to F-OFF or GTFO of my life.
Tradition 6 also use the same principle as a group when dealing with other groups
or entities. Unhealthy realtionship and no longer being guilty of letting go of unhealthy
Step 7 also instructs me about letting go of unworkable old ideas and beliefs.
My unworkable beliefs are the cuase. My unhealthy actions are the effects.
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