- February 26, 2017 at 12:58 am #4834973
Sorry about the multiple and long posts…but we are having a blizzard today, I am stuck in the house, I have already bothered my sponsor and all my sponsees, and I don’t watch TV or “do” mindless electronic entertainment of any kind…….so:
I don’t know really if this is the right place to do this or not…but I want to talk about the powerlessness issue that Brother brought up.
This is just so important to me….and so close to my heart…..and so at the core of everything that’s been shifting and growing in me and in my program over the last few years….
..and as for the “it only appears twice” thing, well, yeah, that’s true, but it appears in the first clause of the First Step….So, a definition of “First”: that which precedes and supersedes all else in terms of time, order and importance.. Yeah, that kinda makes me think that it — my awareness and admission of my powerlessness — is the basis and the beginning of everything (which, indeed, it has proven to be for me)…and if it’s there, if it’s that, then why, really, does it need to be anywhere else??????
…and lately I am just more and more grateful for my powerlessness and for my increasing awareness of it…and I know that that sounds friggin’ crazy, but it’s true…because every single time I get a new and a deeper experience/understanding/sense of my powerlessness, my program — specifically my spiritual development and my relationship to / connection with God — gets like this huge, super-charged boost…and I am just totally lovin’ it!!!!
So, my story about this goes like this: Like I said earlier, I’ve had various experiences of powerlessness throughout my program…usually related to things in my life around which I’ve found myself having to re-work the Steps…and that’s all fine and helpful and blah, blah, blah….but awhile back I actually had this totally mind-blowing First Step experience that came about as the result of something really, really wonderful and good happening….something that I had wanted and worked on and tried to make happen for almost 15 years, with absolutely no luck. And then there came a time when HP told me very clearly that I had to give up on it and move on…..and so I did (arrogantly thinking, of course, “OK, God, thanks for a definitive answer, I can take it from here!) And then, all of a sudden, everything totally turned around and there it was in my life right the way I had always wanted and prayed and hoped for it to be…and, man, was I…
Really. I was pissed, and having little temper fits, and basically in a state of total ingratitude and rebellion, because I was like so “offended” and put out and felt so “tricked” that this thing had just been like handed to me by God when I had so totally failed to make it happen no matter what I did or how hard or how long I tried.
I really can’t explain how and/or why, but somehow that experience (which I have since come to accept with hopefully unending gratitude) just like put it right in my face how powerless I truly am…..and that new Step 1 experience somehow has lead me to an amazingly deeper — and truly mind-blowing — experience of Steps 6 and 7, and to a lot of growth in my prayer and meditation practices, and to my experiencing the shift from faith (I believe God can push a wheelbarrow over the Grand Canyon on a tightrope.) to trust (I am willing to get into that wheelbarrow.) Actually, it’s more than that — most days it’s like I can’t friggin’ wait to get into that wheelbarrow and see what amazing things God is going to do with me.
…and, somehow, I know, for absolute certain, even though not in a rational way or a way that I can explain to or convince other people of, that there was no way that I would ever have been able to get in that wheelbarrow before I had this most recent, more powerful experience of my powerlessness. I mean, I was happy and I thought things were going really well in my life and in my program and I thought that I had attained a “good” level of spirituality and that my relationship with God was “close”….but, truly, I hadn’t seen nuthin’….
nuthin’ anywhere near what’s been happening since….
..and it kinda makes me wonder sometimes how deep can it go, how far can I go, how far can God take me…which is a little scary, so I need not to go there and just keep it in today and remember that where I am today would have been scary — and unimaginable — 2 or 3 years ago.
freyaFebruary 26, 2017 at 2:17 pm #4834970
I do not think dashes or lack of dashes are relevant to my sobrietyFebruary 26, 2017 at 2:19 pm #4834979
Freya, Please forgive me for being a little too flippant in my posts. I was initially reacting to the article Nacona posted asking what we thought of it. My take was, and is, who cares? The point of the first step is to admit (and as we say accept) the fact that we are powerless over alcohol. We cannot not drink. As to the unmanageability of our lives? I stand by what I said, our lives are unmanageable because of the fact we are powerless over alcohol. Take away the cause and you have no effect.
If you choose to think differently on that matter, you’re certainly entitled to do so. But at some point you have to admit that a.) You’re powerless over alcohol and b.) Your life is unmanageable. You can use the “because of”, “and”, or whatever other meaning you choose to explain the meaning of the dashes. I certainly won’t argue with the rules of English Grammar.
But don’t overlook the fact that at the end of “How it Works” on pg. 60, we see the words “(a) That we were powerless over alcohol and could not manage our own lives”
And yes, punctuation is important. As another example I give you:
“Let’s eat Grandpa!”
“Let’s eat, Grandpa!”
And one last thing. I recommend the book “Why Bad Things Happen to Good People” by Harold Kushner. An excellent take on God in our lives.
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