AA NA CA 12 Step Meetings & Anonymous Support Groups › Forums › Newcomers to Recovery › Why so hard to avoid relapse?
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- June 20, 2017 at 2:35 pm #4968292
This stuck out for me
” I planned, scheemed and excicuted a binge session till 3AM and am back to square one.”
Im in that head space.. Its damn exhausting mentally to be an alcoholic..all those lonely head times… but a positive is ur honest about where u are at.. Yes, to me. at times its damn hard and lonely to be a drunk…
being sober..Id borrow others strength and for me thats AA.. not for all but it workedJune 20, 2017 at 3:38 pm #4968284
I really appreciate Newby1961’s
I know where you are at I spent many years making three steps forward and two backwards.
This is where I’m at too. Three steps forward, two backward. But if my math is correct, that’s six forward to four back for a net of two gained–right? It’s slow but we’ll get there.
I also participate in this ridiculous testing. And I can drink one glass of wine–one night. Then the next day I keep on. I went to a family event Saturday and didn’t drink even though others did as we played a game at a table. I was proud of myself internally, but not drinking in front of others only made me feel separate. But I did it. However, I really wanted a drink after. I went out for pasta and had a glass of wine, just one, then went to bed. But then the next day I went on an official drinking spree. I justified it by only drinking beer–which is an improvement. I don’t feel great on this day one, but I feel better than I would if I had drank what I usually do.
Three steps forward, two back. One step–a better choice.
And I’m here today, as you are, because I have a serious problem that I’m trying to fix. I’m spending time working on why I do this to myself. Maybe that would be a good thing for you to think about.
I am so happy sober. Why give it up? Well, there’s a temporary freedom in drinking–but I guess that’s not true, is it? I think I’m free and loosened up, but really I’m tied to a bottle. When sober I’m not…
Sorry for processing so much. But I guess this is why I can’t stay on the straight and narrow.June 20, 2017 at 9:13 pm #4968288
Complacincy took over and I convinced myself that 3 glasses of wine was ok and that I can handle it
This turned out not to be true. Before complacency set it etc- would you have agreed with the premise?
whilst I do not do the steps or go to AA- the work you need to do relates to the first step. I found a few tips from the a”rational recovery” AVRT short course (free online) helpful.
The big book (free online) is also very useful- it helped me recognise what it calls “moments of insanity” and the delusion that we can drink normaly again gets a grip
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