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    Since I was a little girl! I have’d cared what people think of me! As I got older! I don’t give a damn anymore! At this time in my life! When someone means the world to you, and they are the one who is taking you to the end! What do you do?

    I talk on the phone with him all day! And when he gets home! He does not understand why I don’t have anything to say! I smoke everyday all day if I can just to deal with him! Now I’m trying to stop and can’t! Every time I think I’m about to stop! He does something to make me sadder then I was before hand!

    When I don’t tell him why I’m so sad! Am I wrong! I tried tell him everyday when we got together, that I’m not used to talking on the phone all day! He said if we are not on the phone then I with someone else! Now on top of trying to stop smoking I have to deal with a man that does not trust me!

    I have a problem with trusting people anyway! Now I don’t even trust him with my feelings! Thats not good, cause I wish to spend my life with him!

    Why does the sun not shine in my life anymore!

    My mind is tired! My soul is tired! But there looks like there is no way out of the bottom of the depression!:c004:



    Hello and welcome to 12 Step National Meetings.

    are you looking for answers or just venting?

    I sense your frustration….and there may even be some desperation there.

    I personally had to find the underlying issues that fed my addiction. First thing I did was stop using…I had help because I truly needed it. I got some intensive outpatient group therapy and counseling. I was introduced to Narcotics Anonymous. I became educated about addiction and learned I could stay clean if I was willing to change my ways and thinking.

    Before I could get the benefits I had to open my mind to letting go of all the unhealthy relationships I was involved in…afterall my life’s choices had contributed to my addiction.

    I learned that if a relationship worth having was one I was already involved in…then it could and would endure my transition from being an active addict to a grateful and responsible adult in recovery.

    If it is meant to be….it will be. Anyone who truly cares about me will support me in my recovery. If who or what ever I am involved with threatens my recovery it is not good for me.

    People who truly care about me are not jealous or controlling of me.

    I am responsible for all of my decisions. I do not make my decisions based on my emotions.
    I did that in the past, before I stopped using drugs, and it only made my projections hurt me worse. I was my own worst enemy by making decisions this way.

    I got my personal recovery by getting serious with me, and taking good look inside me and asking some very important questions I had to be honest about.

    I allow other people in recovery to help guide me through this process.
    I met these knowledgible and experienced people in Narcotics Anonymous meetings. I use the internet in addition to my regular program of recovery.

    There are experienced NA members who frequent this forum.

    Only you can decide if you are an addict or not. If you decide you are an addict, then only you can help yourself feel better by stopping the progression of your addiction. It’s a fighting a losing battle to try and have healthy relationships while still in active addiction.

    best wishes,

    PS…I suppose I could have found you in the Substance Abuse forum…but I found this first.



    Thanks so much! That was nice to hear! You are right! So far I take it one day at a time! And the only reason why I wish to stop is that I wish to have kids someday!

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