Standing up for your rights and not being taken advantage of is one definition of being assertive. It also means communicating what you really want in a clear fashion, respecting your own rights and feelings and the rights and feelings of others. Assertion is an honest and appropriate expression of one’s feelings, opinions, and needs.It takes self-analysis, and then practice, but the results are worth it.
How is Being Assertive different from Being Aggressive?
Being aggressive means standing up for yourself in ways that violate the rights of others. Aggressive behavior is typically punishing, hostile, blaming, and demanding. It can involve threats, name-calling, and even actual physical contact. It can also involve sarcasm, catty comments, gossip and “slips of the tongue.”
What causes people to avoid being assertive?
Most people are not assertive for fear of displeasing others and of not being liked. However, although you may avoid some immediate unpleasantness by not being assertive, you could also jeopardize the relationship in the long run if you refuse to assert yourself and then feel taken advantage of over and over again.
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Remember the following points in practicing assertiveness:
Take a moment to think before you speak.
Be specific and direct in what you say.
Pay attention to your body language use direct eye contact.
Face the person you’re addressing.
Be willing to compromise.
Restate your assertion if you feel that you’re not being heard.
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Assertiveness Practice Exercises
These exercises will help you become aware of your style of handling various social situations. The four common response styles are passive, aggressive, passive–aggressive, and assertive. Pick two different social situations. Write brief descriptions of them and of your responses to them.
Then decide which of the four common response styles best describes each response.
Situation 1 (describe):____________
Your response:_____________________
Circle response style: passive aggressive passive–aggressive assertive If your response was not assertive, think of an assertive response and write it down
here:_____________________________
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Situation 2 (describe):___________
Your response:____________________
Circle response style: passive aggressive passive–aggressive assertive If your response was not assertive, think of an assertive response and write it down
here:____________________________
