I can sum up in one word the reason I quit drinking. Exhaustion.
Drinking like I did was a lot of work. Besides being tired of living, here is a short list of things that I was tired of:
1. Tired of feeling like hell most mornings.
2. Tired of looking like I felt in the morning.
3. Tired of going into work trying to keep my distance from people because I knew that I still reeked of alcohol.
4. Tired of getting DWIs.
5. Tired of living in fear and wondering if I was going to go to jail for a long period of time because of the next DWI.
6. Tired of wrecking cars.
7. Tired of spending all my money on alcohol, lawyers and courts.
8. Tired of failing every time I convinced myself that I could go out and just have a few.
9. Tired of waking up and punching the pillow because once again I had failed to ‘just have a few’.
10. Tired of lying to my boss and saying I was sick again, when we both knew the truth.
11. Tired of job hunting because I could not hold a job for very long.
12. Tired of not being able to have a meaningful long term relationship because I knew that I could not be a decent husband or father.
13. Tired of not being able to make commitments because I knew that I had no idea where I might end up any given evening.
14. Tired of watching friends I grew up with move on with their lives while I was stuck in this endless and meaningless rut.
15. Tired of living with the knowledge that I did not have to follow this path for the rest of my life, if only I was willing to follow the path of millions of other recovering alcoholics.
To date I have been living a life of recovery since March 13th 1999, nearly 10 years ago. I am happily married to a wonderful woman, live in my dream house on 5 wooded acres, have a nice job which I have been at for over 9 years and most importantly – I have learned what peace and serenity mean.
If things in the list above sound familiar to you, maybe it is time for you to find a new life through alcoholics anonymous. It is possible for anyone who has a willingness, born of misery; to build a new sober life through the miracle of AA.
I know from my own experience that I can not convince anyone to seek help; it does not work that way. One must be willing to try another path in life or there is not much chance for recovery. My goal here is to plant a seed and give hope to someone who still wakes up punching their pillow because they failed again.