All of us suffer from bouts of negative emotions. Some of us more frequently and deeply than others. It’s not a matter of yes or no, it’s a matter of “when and how much?” The question to ask yourself is: Are my negative emotions affecting my ability to create the life I want? If they are, you may want to consider a program designed to heal and integrate those emotions. Let’s call it “emotion anonymous”.
As we grow up we actually develop personality traits and defense mechanisms to help us remain civilized under most circumstances. We bury every emotional wound in a place where we think it won’t be activated. Our lives become a sort of play where we go through the motions to avoid these tender areas.
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When we are young most of us were often scolded, reprimanded or even punished for displaying negative emotions. Unless our parents were extremely well-developed, we probably learned that we needed to control these emotions or face the even greater pain of rejection by our parent. This leads us to resort to repression or suppression in order to survive.
The final result is that these hidden wounds continually come back to bite us when we are overwhelmed or triggered. The first layer of defense is often either fear or anger. With these two emotions we can avoid the deeper pain of childhood trauma and overwhelm.
The first step to get beyond is denial. This shows itself in a few ways. We avoid everything that causes us to feel our negative emotion. For instance, inside we may be feeling a serious anxiety about something we have to face today. Instead of dealing with the anxious feeling, we repress it and “put a good face on it”. We act as though it didn’t exist.
Another way we avoid feeling our emotion is blame. We project these feelings onto other people or onto physical objects around us. This allows us to avoid what we are truly feeling and only delay’s experiencing something that is inevitably really happening inside us.
Unfortunately this tactic is used all the time and causes plenty of pain for those around us. Not only that, this tactic like denial keeps us on the merry-go-round of recurring triggering of negative emotions. It will until we take action to really heal them. What this step really means is: We must take full responsibility for our emotions. So what can we do after ending denial and blame?
To explain the theory behind how deep emotional healing occurs, would take a whole book. If you think about how we got into the shape we are in it could be described as Hiding from our feelings (not looking at them) and resisting (repression & avoidance). What is needed is a reversal of these two actions you have taken.
I can describe this turn around this way. Bring awareness and allowing. Awareness consists of looking or observing, focusing attention. Allowing consists of non-resistance and letting go. This is the beginning of true healing.
