Emotional infidelity is a silent relationship killer! If your partner is engaged in this type of cheating it acts like a virus in your computer. You are totally unaware that it is there and yet every now and again you get the distinct feeling that something is not quite right., access may be denied where normally it is allowed!
The partner of an emotional cheater may have been wondering why their relationship has been feeling a bit ‘off’ for some time now, their partner is just a bit evasive in certain situations and at particular times. They give vague answers to specific questions or requests, sometimes not being able to ‘quite remember’ something recent, giving the explanation that whatever it was just wasn’t important enough for them to remember.
The definition of emotional infidelity is ‘any infidelity which happens through thoughts or feelings’. Therefore having any intimate conversations with someone of your preferred sex other than your partner, whether in person, on the ‘phone or on the Internet falls into the category of emotional infidelity as does viewing pornographic material through any available source – this is described as ‘lusting after a person other than your partner’ which is considered to be unfaithful to your relationship.
When someone cheats on their partner they use all or some of the following: Flirtation, discussion, seduction and discretion, whether this is in person or through some other form of communication. The cheater is giving emotional and/or physical attention to someone other that their significant other, therefore ignoring and not respecting their relationship commitment.
Let’s take a look at emotional infidelity carried out through non-physical mediums such as the Internet. A partner may ‘meet’ with someone in a chat-room, exchanging personal information. The more acquainted they get with each other, the more in-depth and personal their communication becomes leading to a deeper emotional connection, this can result in more intimate thoughts and feeling about and towards each other.
This deeper connection is heading toward dangerous territory as it can easily lead to a physical meeting and all that this may imply. But whether or not it does, the original infidelity is the beginning of the demise of your relationship, especially if you think their is no harm in what you are doing.
The anonymity of Internet relationships poses a great problem. A far greater degree of intimacy exists because people can be ‘anonymous’, which gives them more freedom to reveal the deepest parts of themselves, (areas they may otherwise have been reluctant to share with their partners). Also, having no shared physical experiences with the Internet ‘partner’ means that their imagination can make what it will of this interesting and attractive ‘stranger’!
On the subject of viewing pornographic material on the Internet, again there is a certain amount of emotional thoughts or feelings attached to this type of behavior. A person is generally lusting after someone other than their partner or they wouldn’t be engaging in this type of activity. The fact that a lot of pornographic content on the Internet involves ‘live’ acts and creates the feeling of ‘being there’ with the person involved, enables emotional and intimate feelings to more easily be present or evoked. This can be highly sexually stimulating and therefore can easily develop into an addiction on both the emotional and physical level.
If you or your partner engage in this type of behavior, it is coupled with secrecy about it’s existence and you keep your computer and Internet site passwords protected, there is most definitely involvement in emotional infidelity and you need to decide which is most important to you – this behavior or your relationship? It is only a matter of time before you are found out which could result in the end of your relationship or at the very least your partner will feel undermined and less desirable to you, which in turn will affect their confidence in themselves and your whole relationship, coupled with the loss of trust that this ‘discovery’ inevitably produces, it definitely is detrimental to your relationship.
So, if you’re in a relationship and are feeling the need for greater intimacy in you emotional life, please turn to your partner first, after all they are the person that you have chosen to share your life with, not just some of it but all of it. Have faith in your original judgment that they were the best person for you and build on the commitment and intimacy that you already have, you may be surprised at how wonderful this can make you feel, you don’t have to be secretive and cover you steps which will give you a wonderful sense of freedom.