Sex in the head
According to Patrick Carnes, there are 11 sexual addiction behavior types. This information is important when when working with sexually addictive or codependents or co-addicts of sex addicts. As you will see, sex addiction comes in many forms and types. Anything from the lone web surfer who spends 5 hours a night looking at pornography, to the patron of a prostitute, to the exhibitionist (man in the raincoat), the voyeur, and others.
Sexual Addiction Behavioral Types
1. Fantasy Sex – Sexually charged fantasies, relationships, and situations
o “Sex in the head” – arousal depends on sexual possibility
o The fantasy is preferred over sex
o Fantasies can be all-consuming
o Rarely is sex the goal (unless it’s necessary to control an outcome)
2. Seductive Role Sex- Seduction of partners
o Being sexual without being truthful about intentions
o Arousal is based on conquest
o Arousal diminishes after initial contact
o Seduction equals power and control
o Can results in multiple relationships, affairs and/or serial relationships
3. Anonymous Sex — High-risk sex with unknown persons
o Arousal involves no seduction or costs and is immediate
o Cruising, one-night stands, public baths, peep shows, Craigslist ads, etc.
o No emotional connection
4. Paying for Sex – Purchasing of sexual services
o Arousal is connected to payment of sex
o With time, the arousal is connected to money itself
o Prostitution, phone sex, sexual massages
5. Trading for Sex – Selling or bartering sex for power
o Arousal is based on gaining control of others by using sex as leverage
o Receiving money or drugs for sex
* Making explicit movies/videos, stripping, pimping, and/or drugs for sex
6. Voyeuristic Sex – Visual Arousal
o The use of visual stimulation to escape into an obsessive trance
o Secretive looking or “peeping” to obtain sexual gratification
o Use of pornographic photos, magazines, computer and/or videos to obtain a fix
7. Exhibitionistic Sex – Attracting attention to the body or sexual parts of the body
o Sexual arousal stems from the viewer’s reaction, whether it is shock or interest
o Exposing oneself to obtain sexual gratification and/or power
o Exposing oneself in public places, at home, in a car
o Wearing clothes designed to expose and titillate
8. Intrusive Sex – Boundary violations without discovery
o “Stealing sex” without the possibility of getting caught
o Sexually touching people in crowds
o Surprising unsuspecting individuals with sexual comments, jokes, and/or observations
9. Pain Exchange – Being humiliated or hurt as a part of the sexual arousal
o Aroused by sadistic activities, hurting or degrading another sexually
o Or both
* Bondage sex or “S & M” (Sadomasochism)
10. Object Sex – Masturbating with objects
o Cross-dressing
o Uncontrolled use of masturbatory objects: blow-up dolls, latex vaginas, dildos
o Fetishisms
11. Exploitive Sex — Exploitation of the vulnerable
o Arousal patterns are based on target “types” of vulnerability
o Force, intimidation, or manipulation may be used
o 30% of male and 14% of female sex addicts have had sex with minors
o Pedophiles are not necessarily sex addicts
o Sex addicts can be pedophiles
