Again, anger management will give you the tools to walk away and eventually to cool down. But the real tools are facing the reason why you are acting out in anger or rage. I actually question an anger Management counselor on why they didn’t call Anger Management, “Rage management,” and the answer I received was “yes they should call it Rage Management,” but for funding reason they have to call it, “Anger Management.” Call it what you want, but crossing the line by acting out in rage anger hurts, and it surly hurts the other person or persons at the other end. And besides the hurting, once you go there, “Rage,” the candle is out in any relationship.
I am sure there are lots of reasons why someone can get very angry, but what I have learned for myself is that as child I had learned to protect myself from being hurt and powerless from someone I loved very dearly who physically abused me as a child. After fourteen years in recovery from drugs and alcohol I know now that if I feel the feelings of hurt I use to have a tendency to protect myself by going there-there was a place of anger to protect myself, but now I have learned not to respond in anger but to recognize my feelings, emotions, and then share them by simply saying, “What you did or what you said to me really hurts me.” That’s it. “Hurt.” Hurt, “hurts” and as from my inner-child I was tired and sick of tired of being hurt and as an adult I was tired and sick and tired of being angry and hurting others. Now it goes back to the first step of AA, Alcohol Anonymous, admitting and accepting powerlessness. I do admit and I do accept. Here are some tools you can use to stay healthy in sobriety:
1.) I believe Sponsors can help those who cannot afford a Therapist by working the 12 steps of AA, CA, or even NA. Find a good sponsor. A sponsor who would require you to do the work and not a sponsor who just wants to tell the world he’s your sponsor and does nothing. Be honest and open up my friend.
2.) A Pastor is another great resource. If do you go to church then talk to your Pastor, surly be honest and drop it like it’s hot. That is like the 4th and 5th step. Don’t worry; your Pastor will know what to do with all that garbage.
3.) Acting out in Anger and Rage is very terrible for anyone. The victims, who survive eventually lives in fear and for those who do not survive their families’ lives in terrible grief, so don’t burst out in steam. Take time to sort out your feelings and share them with someone.
4.) Relationships are never the same after a heated argument, even though, there are make-ups and there are times to forgive, but when the candle is out because of the cold words of rage that spits out from tip of the shadowing tongue- those cold words will quickly seek into the once warm loving relationship and soon things become cold. The closeness will become distance. The friendship will become a sinking ship, so take a time out and contact your support before you scream at your partner or have thoughts of taking jabs.
5.) So please don’t hurt your love ones and your children with rage. Please stop the anger cycle and save yourself and your family. Being sober is just that but acting out in anger needs work as well.